Chapter 35
Elizabeth awoke the next morning to the same thoughts and meditations which had at length closed her eyes.She could not yet recover from the surprize of what had happened;it was impossible to think of any thing else and totally indisposed for employment,she resolved soon after breakfast to indulge herself in air and exercise.She was proceeding directly to her favourite walk,when the recollection of Mr Darcy's sometimes coming there stopped her,and instead of entering the park,she turned up the lane which led her farther from the turnpike road.The park paling was still the boundary on one side,and she soon passed one of the gates into the ground.
After walking two or three times along that part of the lane,she was tempted,by the pleasantness of the morning,to stop at the gates and look into the park.The five weeks which she had now passed in Kent had made a great difference in the country,and every day was adding to the verdure of the early trees.She was on the point of continuing her walk,when she caught a glimpse of a gentleman within the sort of grove which edged the park;he was moving that way;and fearful of its being Mr Darcy,she was directly retreating.But the person who advanced was now near enough to see her,and stepping forward with eagerness,pronounced her name.She had turned away,but on hearing herself called,though in a voice which proved it to be Mr Darcy,she moved again towards the gate.He had by that time reached it also,and holding out a letter,which she instinctively took,said with a look of haughty composure,‘I have been walking in the grove some time in the hope of meeting you.Will you do me the honour of reading that letter?’-And then,with a slight bow,turned again into the plantation,and was soon out of sight.
With no expectation of pleasure,but with the strongest curiosity,Elizabeth opened the letter,and,to her still increasing wonder,perceived an envelope containing two sheets of letter paper,written quite through,in a very close hand.-The envelope itself was likewise full.-Pursuing her way along the lane,she then began it.It was dated from Rosings,at eight o'clock in the morning,and was as follows:
Be not alarmed,madam,on receiving this letter,by the apprehension of its containing any repetition of those sentiments,or renewal of those offers,which were last night so disgusting to you.I write without any intention of paining you,or humbling myself,by dwelling on wishes which,for the happiness of both,cannot be too soon forgotten;and the effort which the formation and the perusal of this letter must occasion should have been spared,had not my character required it to be written and read.You must,therefore,pardon the freedom with which I demand your attention;your feelings,I know,will bestow it unwillingly,but I demand it of your justice.
Two offences of a very different nature,and by no means of equal magnitude,you last night laid to my charge.The first mentioned was,that,regardless of the sentiments of either,I had detached Mr Bingley from your sister,-and the other,that I had,in defiance of various claims,in defiance of honour and humanity,ruined the immediate prosperity and blasted the prospects of Mr Wickham.-Wilfully and wantonly to have thrown off the companion of my youth,the acknowledged favourite of my father,a young man who had scarcely any other dependence than on our patronage,and who had been brought up to expect its exertion,would be a depravity to which the separation of two young persons,whose affection could be the growth of only a few weeks,could bear no comparison.-
But from the severity of that blame which was last night so liberally bestowed,respecting each circumstance,I shall hope to be in future secured,when the following account of my actions and their motives has been read.
If,in the explanation of them which is due to myself,I am under the necessity of relating feelings which may be offensive to yours,I can only say that I am sorry.The necessity must be obeyed-and further apology would be absurd.-I had not been long in Hertfordshire,before I saw,in common with others,that Bingley preferred your eldest sister to any other young woman in the country.-But it was not till the evening of the dance at Netherfield that I had any apprehension of his feeling a serious attachment.-I had often seen him in love before.-At that ball,while I had the honour of dancing with you,I was first made acquainted,by Sir William Lucas's accidental information,that Bingley's attentions to your sister had given rise to a general expectation of their marriage.He spoke of it as a certain event,of which the time alone could be undecided.
From that moment I observed my friend's behaviour attentively;and I could then perceive that his partiality for Miss Bennet was beyond what I had ever witnessed in him.Your sister I also watched.-Her look and manners were open,cheerful,and engaging as ever,but without any symptom of peculiar regard,and I remained convinced from the evening's scrutiny,that though she received his attentions with pleasure,she did not invite them by any participation of sentiment.-If you have not been mistaken here,I must have been in an error.
