Dutocq. "Not a soul will stand by Rabourdin; the clerks will go in a body and complain of him to the minister,--not only in our division, but in all the divisions--"Bixiou. "Forward, march! infantry, cavalry, artillery, and marines of the guard! You rave, my good fellow! And I, what part am I to take in the business?"Dutocq. "You are to make a cutting caricature,--sharp enough to kill a man."Bixiou. "How much will you pay for it?"
Dutocq. "A hundred francs."
Bixiou [to himself]. "Then there is something in it."Dutocq [continuing]. "You must represent Rabourdin dressed as a butcher (make it a good likeness), find analogies between a kitchen and a bureau, put a skewer in his hand, draw portraits of the principal clerks and stick their heads on fowls, put them in a monstrous coop labelled 'Civil Service executions'; make him cutting the throat of one, and supposed to take the others in turn. You can have geese and ducks with heads like ours,--you understand! Baudoyer, for instance, he'll make an excellent turkey-buzzard."Bixiou. "Ris d'aboyeur d'oie!" [He has watched Dutocq carefully for some time.] "Did you think of that yourself?"Dutocq. "Yes, I myself."
Bixiou [to himself]. "Do evil feelings bring men to the same result as talents?" [Aloud] "Well, I'll do it" [Dutocq makes a motion of delight] "--when" [full stop] "--I know where I am and what I can rely on. If you don't succeed I shall lose my place, and I must make a living. You are a curious kind of innocent still, my dear colleague."Dutocq. "Well, you needn't make the lithograph till success is proved."Bixiou. "Why don't you come out and tell me the whole truth?"Dutocq. "I must first see how the land lays in the bureau; we will talk about it later" [goes off].
Bixiou [alone in the corridor]. "That fish, for he's more a fish than a bird, that Dutocq has a good idea in his head--I'm sure I don't know where he stole it. If Baudoyer should succeed La Billardiere it would be fun, more than fun--profit!" [Returns to the office.] "Gentlemen, Iannounce glorious changes; papa La Billardiere is dead, really dead,--no nonsense, word of honor! Godard is off on business for our excellent chief Baudoyer, successor presumptive to the deceased."[Minard, Desroys, and Colleville raise their heads in amazement; they all lay down their pens, and Colleville blows his nose.] "Every one of us is to be promoted! Colleville will be under-head-clerk at the very least. Minard may have my place as chief clerk--why not? he is quite as dull as I am. Hey, Minard, if you should get twenty-five hundred francs a-year your little wife would be uncommonly pleased, and you could buy yourself a pair of boots now and then."Colleville. "But you don't get twenty-five hundred francs."Bixiou. "Monsieur Dutocq gets that in Rabourdin's office; why shouldn't I get it this year? Monsieur Baudoyer gets it."Colleville. "Only through the influence of Monsieur Saillard. No other chief clerk gets that in any of the divisions."Paulmier. "Bah! Hasn't Monsieur Cochin three thousand? He succeeded Monsieur Vavasseur, who served ten years under the Empire at four thousand. His salary was dropped to three when the King first returned; then to two thousand five hundred before Vavasseur died. But Monsieur Cochin, who succeeded him, had influence enough to get the salary put back to three thousand."Colleville. "Monsieur Cochin signs E. A. L. Cochin (he is named Emile-Adolphe-Lucian), which, when anagrammed, gives Cochineal. Now observe, he's a partner in a druggist's business in the rue des Lombards, the Maison Matifat, which made its fortune by that identical colonial product."Baudoyer [entering]. "Monsieur Chazelle, I see, is not here; you will be good enough to say I asked for him, gentlemen."Bixiou [who had hastily stuck a hat on Chazelle's chair when he heard Baudoyer's step]. "Excuse me, Monsieur, but Chazelle has gone to the Rabourdins' to make an inquiry."Chazelle [entering with his hat on his head, and not seeing Baudoyer].
"La Billardiere is done for, gentlemen! Rabourdin is head of the division and Master of petitions; he hasn't stolen HIS promotion, that's very certain."Baudoyer [to Chazelle]. "You found that appointment in your second hat, I presume" [points to the hat on the chair]. "This is the third time within a month that you have come after nine o'clock. If you continue the practice you will get on--elsewhere." [To Bixiou, who is reading the newspaper.] "My dear Monsieur Bixiou, do pray leave the newspapers to these gentlemen who are going to breakfast, and come into my office for your orders for the day. I don't know what Monsieur Rabourdin wants with Gabriel; he keeps him to do his private errands, I believe. I've rung three times and can't get him." [Baudoyer and Bixiou retire into the private office.]
Chazelle. "Damned unlucky!"
