The extravagance and general profligacy which he scrupled not to lay to Mr Wickham's charge,exceedingly shocked her;the more so,as she could bring no proof of its injustice.She had never heard of him before his entrance into the-shire Militia,in which he had engaged at the persuasion of the young man who,on meeting him accidentally in town,had there renewed a slight acquaintance.Of his former way of life,nothing had been known in Hertfordshire but what he told himself.As to his real character,had information been in her power,she had never felt a wish of inquiring.His countenance,voice,and manner had established him at once in the possession of every virtue.She tried to recollect some instance of goodness,some distinguished trait of integrity or benevolence,that might rescue him from the attacks of Mr Darcy;or at least,by the predominance of virtue,atone for those casual errors,under which she would endeavour to class what Mr Darcy had described as the idleness and vice of many years continuance.But no such recollection befriended her.She could see him instantly before her,in every charm of air and address;but she could remember no more substantial good than the general approbation of the neighbourhood,and the regard which his social powers had gained him in the mess.After pausing on this point a considerable while,she once more continued to read.But,alas!the story which followed,of his designs on Miss Darcy,received some confirmation from what had passed between Colonel Fitzwilliam and herself only the morning before;and at last she was referred for the truth of every particular to Colonel Fitzwilliam himself-from whom she had previously received the information of his near concern in all his cousin's affairs,and whose character she had no reason to question.At one time she had almost resolved on applying to him,but the idea was checked by the awkwardness of the application,and at length wholly banished by the conviction that Mr Darcy would never have hazarded such a proposal if he had not been well assured of his cousin's corroboration.
She perfectly remembered every thing that had passed in conversation between Wickham and herself in their first evening at Mr Philips's.Many of his expressions were still fresh in her memory.She was now struck with the impropriety of such communications to a stranger,and wondered it had escaped her before.She saw the indelicacy of putting himself forward as he had done,and the inconsistency of his professions with his conduct.She remembered that he had boasted of having no fear of seeing Mr Darcy-that Mr Darcy might leave the country,but that he should stand his ground;yet he had avoided the Netherfield ball the very next week.She remembered also,that till the Netherfield family had quitted the country,he had told his story to no one but herself;but that after their removal,it had been every where discussed;that he had then no reserves,no scruples in sinking Mr Darcy's character,though he had assured her that respect for the father would always prevent his exposing the son.
How differently did every thing now appear in which he was concerned!His attentions to Miss King were now the consequence of views solely and hatefully mercenary;and the mediocrity of her fortune proved no longer the moderation of his wishes,but his eagerness to grasp at any thing.His behaviour to herself could now have had no tolerable motive;he had either been deceived with regard to her fortune,or had been gratifying his vanity by encouraging the preference which she believed she had most incautiously shewn.Every lingering struggle in his favour grew fainter and fainter;and in further justification of Mr Darcy,she could not but allow that Mr Bingley,when questioned by Jane,had long ago asserted his blamelessness in the affair;that,proud and repulsive as were his manners,she had never,in the whole course of their acquaintance-an acquaintance which had latterly brought them much together,and given her a sort of intimacy with his ways-seen any thing that betrayed him to be unprincipled or unjust-any thing that spoke him of irreligious or immoral habits.That among his own connexions he was esteemed and valued-that even Wickham had allowed him merit as a brother,and that she had often heard him speak so affectionately of his sister as to prove him capable of some amiable feeling.That had his actions been what Wickham represented them,so gross a violation of every thing right could hardly have been concealed from the world;and that friendship between a person capable of it,and such an amiable man as Mr Bingley,was incomprehensible.
She grew absolutely ashamed of herself.-Of neither Darcy nor Wickham could she think,without feeling that she had been blind,partial,prejudiced,absurd.
‘How despicably have I acted!’she cried.-‘I,who have prided myself on my discernment!-I,who have valued myself on my abilities!who have often disdained the generous candour of my sister,and gratified my vanity,in useless or blameable distrust.-How humiliating is this discovery!-Yet,how just a humiliation!-Had I been in love,I could not have been more wretchedly blind.But vanity,not love,has been my folly.-Pleased with the preference of one,and offended by the neglect of the other,on the very beginning of our acquaintance,I have courted prepossession and ignorance,and driven reason away,where either were concerned.Till this moment,I never knew myself.’
