登陆注册
5582400000033

第33章

"How was I to know yer wanted to go to Putney? Yer sings out Putney, and I stops and in yer jumps.""And for what d'ye think I called out Putney thin?""'Cause it's my name, or rayther the bus's name.This 'ere IS a Putney.""How can it be a Putney whin it isn't goin' to Putney, ye gomerhawk?""Ain't you an Hirishwoman?" retorted the conductor."Course yer are.But yer aren't always goin' to Ireland.We're goin' to Putney in time, only we're a-going to Liverpool Street fust.'Igher up, Jim."The bus moved on, and I was about cross the road, when a man, muttering savagely to himself, walked into me.He would have swept past me had I not, recognizing him, arrested him.It was my friend B-----, a busy editor of magazines and journals.It was some seconds before he appeared able to struggle out of his abstraction, and remember himself."Halloo," he then said, "who would have thought of seeing YOU here?""To judge by the way you were walking," I replied, "one would imagine the Strand the last place in which you expected to see any human being.Do you ever walk into a short-tempered, muscular man?""Did I walk into you?" he asked surprised.

"Well, not right in," I answered, "I if we are to be literal.You walked on to me; if I had not stopped you, I suppose you would have walked over me.""It is this confounded Christmas business," he explained."It drives me off my head.""I have heard Christmas advanced as an excuse for many things," Ireplied, "but not early in September."

"Oh, you know what I mean," he answered, "we are in the middle of our Christmas number.I am working day and night upon it.By the bye," he added, "that puts me in mind.I am arranging a symposium, and I want you to join.'Should Christmas,'"--I interrupted him.

"My dear fellow," I said, "I commenced my journalistic career when Iwas eighteen, and I have continued it at intervals ever since.Ihave written about Christmas from the sentimental point of view; Ihave analyzed it from the philosophical point of view; and I have scarified it from the sarcastic standpoint.I have treated Christmas humorously for the Comics, and sympathetically for the Provincial Weeklies.I have said all that is worth saying on the subject of Christmas--maybe a trifle more.I have told the new-fashioned Christmas story--you know the sort of thing: your heroine tries to understand herself, and, failing, runs off with the man who began as the hero; your good woman turns out to be really bad when one comes to know her; while the villain, the only decent person in the story, dies with an enigmatic sentence on his lips that looks as if it meant something, but which you yourself would be sorry to have to explain.I have also written the old-fashioned Christmas story--you know that also: you begin with a good old-fashioned snowstorm; you have a good old-fashioned squire, and he lives in a good old-fashioned Hall; you work in a good old-fashioned murder; and end up with a good old-fashioned Christmas dinner.I have gathered Christmas guests together round the crackling logs to tell ghost stories to each other on Christmas Eve, while without the wind howled, as it always does on these occasions, at its proper cue.I have sent children to Heaven on Christmas Eve--it must be quite a busy time for St.Peter, Christmas morning, so many good children die on Christmas Eve.It has always been a popular night with them.--I have revivified dead lovers and brought them back well and jolly, just in time to sit down to the Christmas dinner.I am not ashamed of having done these things.At the time I thought them good.I once loved currant wine and girls with towzley hair.One's views change as one grows older.I have discussed Christmas as a religious festival.I have arraigned it as a social incubus.If there be any joke connected with Christmas that I have not already made I should be glad to hear it.I have trotted out the indigestion jokes till the sight of one of them gives me indigestion myself.I have ridiculed the family gathering.

I have scoffed at the Christmas present.I have made witty use of paterfamilias and his bills.I have--""Did I ever show you," I broke off to ask as we were crossing the Haymarket, "that little parody of mine on Poe's poem of 'The Bells'?

It begins--" He interrupted me in his turn--"Bills, bills, bills," he repeated.

"You are quite right," I admitted."I forgot I ever showed it to you.""You never did," he replied.

"Then how do you know how it begins?" I asked.

"I don't know for certain," he admitted, "but I get, on an average, sixty-five a year submitted to me, and they all begin that way.Ithought, perhaps, yours did also."

"I don't see how else it could begin," I retorted.He had rather annoyed me."Besides, it doesn't matter how a poem begins, it is how it goes on that is the important thing and anyhow, I'm not going to write you anything about Christmas.Ask me to make you a new joke about a plumber; suggest my inventing something original and not too shocking for a child to say about heaven; propose my running you off a dog story that can be believed by a man of average determination and we may come to terms.But on the subject of Christmas I am taking a rest."By this time we had reached Piccadilly Circus.

"I don't blame you," he said, "if you are as sick of the subject as I am.So soon as these Christmas numbers are off my mind, and Christmas is over till next June at the office, I shall begin it at home.The housekeeping is gone up a pound a week already.I know what that means.The dear little woman is saving up to give me an expensive present that I don't want.I think the presents are the worst part of Christmas.Emma will give me a water-colour that she has painted herself.She always does.There would be no harm in that if she did not expect me to hang it in the drawing room.Have you ever seen my cousin Emma's water-colours?" he asked.

"I think I have," I replied.

"There's no thinking about it," he retorted angrily."They're not the sort of water-colours you forget."He apostrophized the Circus generally.

同类推荐
  • 双凤奇缘

    双凤奇缘

    本书为公版书,为不受著作权法限制的作家、艺术家及其它人士发布的作品,供广大读者阅读交流。汇聚授权电子版权。
  • 楚辞补注

    楚辞补注

    本书为公版书,为不受著作权法限制的作家、艺术家及其它人士发布的作品,供广大读者阅读交流。汇聚授权电子版权。
  • 大方广菩萨藏文殊师利根本仪轨经

    大方广菩萨藏文殊师利根本仪轨经

    本书为公版书,为不受著作权法限制的作家、艺术家及其它人士发布的作品,供广大读者阅读交流。汇聚授权电子版权。
  • 周书

    周书

    本书为公版书,为不受著作权法限制的作家、艺术家及其它人士发布的作品,供广大读者阅读交流。汇聚授权电子版权。
  • 摩诃止观辅行搜要记

    摩诃止观辅行搜要记

    本书为公版书,为不受著作权法限制的作家、艺术家及其它人士发布的作品,供广大读者阅读交流。汇聚授权电子版权。
热门推荐
  • 似锦芳华

    似锦芳华

    轻云大陆在战火中分裂为九个不同的大陆,其中万灵大陆最为强大,万灵大陆上有一处最为神秘的地方——白灵山,万灵大陆的守护者白锦就诞生于那里。苍云大陆是最低层面的大陆,万灵大陆的长公主安姒和她的好友倾城郡主因好奇外面的世界就去了书中记载最少的苍云大陆。白锦为了带回长公主和郡主而去了苍云大陆在找寻长公主安姒和郡主倾城的过程中遇到了安姒公主的孩子司空倾墨——墨王殿下。【苍云大陆的二皇子,后来到万灵大陆时的继承者之一】他们都是冷漠的人他们的相遇为两人之间留下了刻骨铭心的记忆,擦出了绚烂的火花。他们最后是打败所有阻碍永世相守,还是永生分离望月寄相思。
  • The Historyof John Bull

    The Historyof John Bull

    本书为公版书,为不受著作权法限制的作家、艺术家及其它人士发布的作品,供广大读者阅读交流。汇聚授权电子版权。
  • 三洞神符記

    三洞神符記

    本书为公版书,为不受著作权法限制的作家、艺术家及其它人士发布的作品,供广大读者阅读交流。汇聚授权电子版权。
  • 中国本土精彩老童话大全集(超值金版)

    中国本土精彩老童话大全集(超值金版)

    中国有神话故事,中国自己的本土神话是丰富多彩的,其种类是多样的,其特色是鲜明的,其内涵是深远的。其故事是精湛的。许许多多的神话故事也是相当有知名度的,许许多多的神话人物也是相当有影响的。宫曙光和张馨编著的《中国本土精彩老神话》在前人的整理基础上,对中国神话重新进行了彻底的梳理,编者将支离破碎、点线分割、散落各地的中国神话彻底地回归到了一个有着基本脉络、基本情节的体系上,以期较完整地献给中国读者。尤其是广大的中国青少年提供一套详实可靠、真正体现中国特色的神话故事读本。一起来翻阅《中国本土精彩老神话》吧!
  • 某综漫的次元召唤

    某综漫的次元召唤

    身为穿越者来到二次元,孤单一人怎么能行?五河千光:这就是你光让我召唤妹子的理由?九喇叭:小鬼!我是男的!西内!皮卡丘:皮卡皮卡!(我也是男的!)五河千阴:我只能召唤武器。乌尔奇奥拉:大人,我还是个生物。面对成万上亿的敌人,他胸有成竹,只见他大喊一声“我五河千光从来不1人打架!不信你们看”...........“嗯?其他人嘞?”世界顺序:约会大作战(进行中)——魔法禁书目录(预备)————————————————————本作者可能会太监,更新原则:不动则已,动若雷霆。所以你们懂的。书友群:984402800,欢迎大家的参与!
  • 网游之湛蓝之枪

    网游之湛蓝之枪

    当曾经统御一方星域的主宰者战死在自己的巅峰时,来到了未来的地球当秦纪对这全新的世界感到万般无奈时,网游又成了他另一个驰骋的战场当他进入游戏的那一刻起,一切都早已注定当他被困在这游戏世界之中,那就用这虚拟世界的法则重回现实以手中的长枪重新书写自己的传奇,让萦绕在枪尖的锋芒破碎这蔚蓝的天空
  • 我的女友是智脑

    我的女友是智脑

    三年前初恋女友不告而别,三年后带着由她参与制作的全球首款全息网游神秘回归。且跟随主角踏上穿梭于现实与第九艺术世界的奇妙之旅,体验这足以颠覆传统认知、改变历史进程的科技风暴。
  • 我要上清华

    我要上清华

    21位北大学子的真诚忠告;高考状元们的真知灼见。成功来自于理想,果实离不开耕耘。书山有路勤为径,学海无涯苦作舟。告诉自己——我要上北大!暗示自己——我要上北大!
  • 道逆九幽

    道逆九幽

    逆阴阳,乱天象,魔龙咆哮,邪凤嘶鸣,仿佛这片空间崩裂了一般,整个天宇大陆一片地鸣。。。。“我不服,人若亡我,我定灭了这片天,地若灭我,我定踏破这片地……”
  • 二次元召唤法阵

    二次元召唤法阵

    本来世界开始是一个完整的,后面因为世界开始降临魔兽,起初开始四处杀戮,直到数年以后百名大能到一部分地区建造安全城,保证人类安全(部分怪物,人)。人类也依靠安全城的防御存活了下来,开始繁衍,但魔兽不停进化,人类也在压力下诞生出了武者这一职业,人类虽然不能反攻,但也可以与魔兽对抗一二。随着时间的推进,世界逐渐安稳,也不再降落魔兽,人类的安全城之间有着不少争斗。某一天,主角蒙逼的看着面前满脸泪水的弑君者和目光坚定的阿消以及特种干员。跳虫和陆战步兵经行军事演习........亡灵龙与天使“和谐”共处........主角不禁感到一丝头痛。(简介无力,看正文)