We had sent a `machine' from the inn to meet her, and when it drew up at the door we went forward to greet the rosy little Jane of our fancy. An aged person, wearing a rusty black bonnet and shawl, and carrying what appeared to be a tin cake-box and a baby's bath-tub, descended rheumatically from the vehicle and announced herself as Miss Grieve. She was too old to call by her Christian name, too sensitive to call by her surname, so Miss Grieve she remained, as announced, to the end of the chapter, and our rosy little Jane died before she was actually born. The man took her grotesque luggage into the kitchen, and Salemina escorted her thither, while Francesca and I fell into each other's arms and laughed hysterically.
"Nobody need tell me that she is Mrs. M'Collop's sister's husband's niece," she whispered, "although she may possibly be somebody's grand-aunt. Doesn't she remind you of Mrs. Gummidge?"
Salemina returned in a quarter of an hour, and sank dejectedly on the sofa.
"Run over to the inn, Francesca" she said, "and order bacon and eggs at eight-thirty to-morrow morning. Miss Grieve thinks we had better not breakfast at home until she becomes accustomed to the surroundings."
"Shall we allow her to become accustomed to them?" I questioned.
"She came up from Glasgow to Edinburgh for the day, and went to see Mrs. M'Collop just as our telegram arrived. She was living with an `extremely nice family' in Glasgow, and only broke her engagement in order to try Fifeshire air for the summer; so she will remain with us as long as she is benefited by the climate."
"Can't you pay her for a month and send her away?"
"How can we? She is Mrs. M'Collop's sister's husband's niece, and we intend returning to Mrs. M'Collop. She has a nice ladylike appearance, but when she takes her bonnet off she looks seventy years old."
"She ought always to keep it off, then," returned Francesca, "for she looked eighty with it on. We shall have to soothe her last moments, of course, and pay her funeral expenses. Did you offer her a cup of tea and show her the box-bed?"
"Yes; she said she was muckle obleeged to me, but the coals were so poor and hard she couldna batter them up to start a fire the nicht, and she would try the box-bed to see if she could sleep in it. I am glad to remember that it was you who telegraphed for her, Penelope."
"Let there be no recriminations," I responded; "let us stand shoulder to shoulder in this calamity,--isn't there a story called Calamity Jane? We might live at the inn, and give her the cottage for a summer residence, but I utterly refuse to be parted from our cat and the 1602 lintel."
After I have once described Miss Grieve I shall not suffer her to begloom these pages as she did our young lives. She is so exactly like her kind in America she cannot be looked upon as a national type. Everywhere we go we see fresh, fair-haired, sonsie lasses; why should we have been visited by this affliction, we who have no courage in a foreign land to rid ourselves of it?
She appears at the door of the kitchen with some complaint, and stands there talking to herself in a depressing murmur until she arrives at the next grievance. Whenever we hear this, which is whenever we are in the sitting-room, we amuse ourselves by chanting lines of melancholy poetry which correspond to the sentiments she seems to be uttering. It is the only way the infliction can be endured, for the sitting-room is so small that we cannot keep the door closed habitually. The effect of this plan is something like the following:-She. "The range has sic a bad draft I canna mak' the fire draw!"
We. `But I'm ower auld for the tears to start, An' sae the sighs maun blaw!'
She. "The clock i' the hall doesna strike. I have to get oot o' my bed to see the time."
We. `The broken hairt it kens Nae second spring again!'
She. "There's no' eneuch jugs i' the hoose."
We. `I'm downright dizzy wi' the thought--In troth I'm like to greet!'
She. "The sink drain isna recht."
We. `An' it's oh! to win awa', awa', An' it's oh! to win awa'!'
She. "I canna thole a box-bed!"
We. `Ay waukin O Waukin O an' weary.
Sleep I can get nane, Ay waukin O!'
She. "It's fair insultin' to rent a hoose wi' so few convenience."
We. `An' I'm ower auld to fish ony mair, An' I hinna the chance to droon.'
She. "The work is fair sickenin' i' this hoose, an' a' for ane puir body to do by her lane."
We. `How can ye chant, ye little birds, An' I sae weary, fu' o' care?'
She. "Ah, but that was a fine family I lived wi' in Glasgy; an' it's a wearifu' day's work I've had the day."
We. `Oh why was I spared to cry, Wae's me!'
She. "Why dinna they leave floo'rs i' the garden makin' a mess i' the hoose wi' `em? It's not for the knowin' what they will be after next!"
We. `Oh, waly waly up the bank, And waly waly doon the brae!'
Miss Grieve's plaints never grow less, though we are sometimes at a loss for appropriate quotations to match them. The poetic interpolations are introduced merely to show the general spirit of her conversation. They take the place of her sighs, which are by their nature unprintable. Many times each day she is wont to sink into one low chair, and, extending her feet in another, close her eyes and murmur undistinguishable plaints which come to us in a kind of rhythmic way. She has such a shaking right hand we have been obliged to give up coffee and have tea, as the former beverage became too unsettled on its journey from the kitchen to the breakfast-table. She says she kens she is a guid cook, though salf- praise is sma' racommendation (sma' as it is she will get nae ither!); but we have little opportunity to test her skill, as she prepares only our breakfasts of eggs and porridge. Visions of home- made goodies had danced before our eyes, but as the hall clock doesna strike she is unable to rise at any exact hour, and as the range draft is bad, and the coals too hard to batter up wi' a hatchet, we naturally have to content ourselves with the baker's loaf.
And this is a truthful portrait of `Calamity Jane,' our one Pettybaw grievance.
