But his daughters -- their marriage may depend upon it: and his wife, whois unable to enter into or understand the objects for which these sacrificesare made -- who, if she thought them worth any sacrifice, would think soon trust, and solely for his sake -- who could participate in none of theenthusiasm or the self-approbation he himself may feel, while the thingswhich he is disposed to sacrifice are all in all to her; will not the bestand most unselfish man hesitate the longest before bringing on her this consequence?
If it be not the comforts of life, but only social consideration, that isat stake, the burthen upon his conscience and feelings is still very severe.
Whoever has a wife and children has given hostages to Mrs Grundy. The approbationof that potentate may be a matter of indifference to him, but it is of greatimportance to his wife. The man himself may be above opinion, or may findsufficient compensation in the opinion of those of his own way of thinking.
But to the women connected with him, he can offer no compensation. The almostinvariable tendency of the wife to place her influence in the same scalewith social consideration, is sometimes made a reproach to women, and representedas a peculiar trait of feebleness and childishness of character in them: surely with great injustice. Society makes the whole life of a woman, inthe easy classes, a continued self sacrifice; it exacts from her an unremittingrestraint of the whole of her natural inclinations, and the sole return itmakes to her for what often deserves the name of a martyrdom, is consideration.
Her consideration is inseparably connected with that of her husband, andafter paying the full price for it, she finds that she is to lose it, forno reason of which she can feel the cogency. She has sacrificed her wholelife to it, and her husband will not sacrifice to it a whim, a freak, aneccentricity; something not recognised or allowed for by the world, and whichthe world will agree with her in thinking a folly, if it thinks no worse!
The dilemma is hardest upon that very meritorious class of men, who, withoutpossessing talents which qualify them to make a figure among those with whomthey agree in opinion, hold their opinion from conviction, and feel boundin honour and conscience to serve it, by making profession of their belief,and giving their time, labour, and means, to anything undertaken in its behalf.
The worst case of all is when such men happen to be of a rank and positionwhich of itself neither gives them, nor excludes them from, what is consideredthe best society; when their admission to it depends mainly on what is thoughtof them personally -- and however unexceptionable their breeding and habits,their being identified with opinions and public conduct unacceptable to thosewho give the tone to society would operate as an effectual exclusion. Manya woman flatters herself (nine times out of ten quite erroneously) that nothingprevents her and her husband from moving in the highest society of her neighbourhood-- society in which others well known to her, and in the same class of life,mix freely -- except that her husband is unfortunately a Dissenter, or hasthe reputation of mingling in low radical politics. That it is, she thinks,which hinders George from getting a commission or a place, Caroline frommaking an advantageous match, and prevents her and her husband from obtaininginvitations, perhaps honours, which, for aught she sees, they are as wellentitled to as some folks. With such an influence in every house, eitherexerted actively, or operating all the more powerfully for not being asserted,is it any wonder that people in general are kept down in that mediocrityof respectability which is becoming a marked characteristic of modern times?
There is another very injurious aspect in which the effect, not of women'sdisabilities directly, but of the broad line of difference which those disabilitiescreate between the education and character of a woman and that of a man,requires to be considered. Nothing can be more unfavourable to that unionof thoughts and inclinations which is the ideal of married life. Intimatesociety between people radically dissimilar to one another, is an idle dream.
