After these two tragedies, the reader will not, I hope, be displeased with the following farce, which was acted in fort Johnson, while Marion was repairing it, in January, 1776. The principal actors in it, were captain Marion, and a young lieutenant, whose name, delicacy, yet a while, bids me suppress. This officer, though in his person as handsome as Absalom, or the blooming Adonis, was as destitute of soul as a monkey. He appeared to have no idea above that of dress and diversion: and provided he could but compass his own little pitiful ends, which were always of the sensual sort, he cared not how shamefully he prevaricated and lied, but would wink, and grin, and chuckle, as if he had done some great thing. He had served under a score of captains, who had all spoken of him as a slippery, worthless fellow, whom they knew not what to do with. But though most heartily despised, the fool had the vanity to think himself amazingly clever;and actually boasted to me one day, that he would soon let me see how far he was over my famous captain Marion's speed. Presently he hears that there is to be, next week, a great cock-fight at Dorchester.
Instantly his childish spirits are all on a fever to see the cock-fight.
"Oh heavens! he would not miss the cock-fight for the world!"But how to obtain leave of absence from the fort at this busy time, was the rub; however, for such means as he was capable of using, an invention like his could not long be at a loss. In short, he went to Marion, with a doleful face, and in piteous accents, stated that his father, an excellent old man as ever son was blessed with, was at his last gasp, and only wanted to see him before he died.
The generous Marion, not suspecting that so goodly an outside could cover such falsehood, did not wait to hear the coming petition, but instantly granted his wish, unheard -- "To be sure, lieutenant, go, by all means, go and wait upon your father; but return as soon as possible, for you see how much we have to do."The lieutenant affected to be quite overcome with Marion's generosity, and swore he would be back in two days, or at farthest in three.
As he stepped along by me, he thrust his tongue into his cheek, and looked prodigiously arch, as if he had achieved a grand exploit.
As soon as he was gone, I told Marion I suspected it was all a trick.
And so it turned out; for instead of hurrying off, as he had pretended, to see his dying father, he slipt over to Charleston, where, for fear of being seen by any of our officers, he skulked about in the lower lanes and alleys until it was time to go up to the cock-fight at Dorchester.
At length after a fortnight's absence, he came over to the fort, and entering the marquee, where Marion was sitting with his officers, he began to bow and scrape. As if not perceiving him, Marion turned his head another way. The lieutenant then, exceedingly embarrassed, came out with his apology, -- "I am sorry, sir, to have outstayed my time so long; but -- but I could not help it --but now I am returned to do my duty."
Marion turned very quickly upon him, and with a most mortifying neglect, said, "Aye, lieutenant, is that you? Well, never mind it --there is no harm done -- I never missed you."The poor lieutenant was so completely cut up, that he could not say a word, but sneaked off, hanging down his head, and looked much more like a detected swindler than a gentleman soldier.
The officers, who were all prodigiously pleased with his confusion, presently went out and began to rally him -- "Ah, ha, lieutenant, and so the captain has given you a set down.""A set down," replied he, very angrily, "a set down, do you call it!
I had rather a thousand times he had knocked me down --an ugly, cross, knock-kneed, hook-nosed son of a b-t-h!"The officers almost split their sides with laughing.
The story soon took wind; and the poor lieutenant did not hear the last of it for many a day. I have often heard him say, that nothing ever so completely confounded him, as did that dry, cutting speech of Marion.
"I was never at a loss before," said he, "to manage all other officers that were ever set over me. As for our colonel, (meaning Moultrie)he is a fine, honest, good-natured old buck. But I can wind him round my finger like a pack thread. But as for the stern, keen-eyed Marion, I dread him."The truth is, Marion wished his officers to be gentlemen.
And whenever he saw one of them acting below that character, he would generously attempt his reformation. And few men, perhaps, ever knew better how to manage truants from duty.
To a coarse, conceited chap, like our lieutenant, Marion gave no quarter, but checked him at once, but still in a way that was quite gentlemanly, and calculated to overawe. He kept him at arms' length --took no freedoms with him -- nor allowed any -- and when visited on business, he would receive and treat him with a formality sufficient to let him see that all was not right.
The effect of such management evinced the correctness of Marion's judgment.
The young lieutenant became remarkably polite, and also attentive to duty.
In short, no subaltern behaved better. And this very happy change in his manners, was soon succeeded by as pleasing a change in the sentiments of all around him. The officers of the regiment grew fond of him --Marion spoke of him with pleasure, as an excellent soldier --and he of Marion, as his best friend.
This is sufficient to show the truth of the remark made by Aristotle --"that there is no art so difficult and godlike as that of managing men to their own happiness and glory."
