"Don't believe it then," said the gentleman, smiling amicably, "what's the good of believing against your will? Besides, proofs are no help to believing, especially material proofs.Thomas believed, not because he saw Christ risen, but because he wanted to believe, before he saw.Look at the spiritualists, for instance....I am very fond of them...only fancy, they imagine that they are serving the cause of religion, because the devils show them their horns from the other world.That, they say, is a material proof, so to speak, of the existence of another world.The other world and material proofs, what next! And if you come to that, does proving there's a devil prove that there's a God? I want to join an idealist society, I'll lead the opposition in it, I'll say I am a realist, but not a materialist, he he!""Listen," Ivan suddenly got up from the table."I seem to be delirious...I am delirious, in fact, talk any nonsense you like, Idon't care! You won't drive me to fury, as you did last time.But Ifeel somehow ashamed...I want to walk about the room....Isometimes don't see you and don't even hear your voice as I did last time, but I always guess what you are prating, for it's I, I myself speaking, not you.Only I don't know whether I was dreaming last time or whether I really saw you.I'll wet a towel and put it on my head and perhaps you'll vanish into air."Ivan went into the corner, took a towel, and did as he said, and with a wet towel on his head began walking up and down the room.
"I am so glad you treat me so familiarly," the visitor began.
"Fool," laughed Ivan, "do you suppose I should stand on ceremony with you? I am in good spirits now, though I've a pain in my forehead...and in the top of my head...only please don't talk philosophy, as you did last time.If you can't take yourself off, talk of something amusing.Talk gossip, you are a poor relation, you ought to talk gossip.What a nightmare to have! But I am not afraid of you.I'll get the better of you.I won't be taken to a mad-house!""C'est charmant, poor relation.Yes, I am in my natural shape.For what am I on earth but a poor relation? By the way, I am listening to you and am rather surprised to find you are actually beginning to take me for something real, not simply your fancy, as you persisted in declaring last time-""Never for one minute have I taken you for reality," Ivan cried with a sort of fury."You are a lie, you are my illness, you are a phantom.It's only that I don't know how to destroy you and I see Imust suffer for a time.You are my hallucination.You are the incarnation of myself, but only of one side of me...of my thoughts and feelings, but only the nastiest and stupidest of them.From that point of view you might be of interest to me, if only I had time to waste on you-""Excuse me, excuse me, I'll catch you.When you flew out at Alyosha under the lamp-post this evening and shouted to him, 'You learnt it from him! How do you know that he visits me?' You were thinking of me then.So for one brief moment you did believe that Ireally exist," the gentleman laughed blandly.
"Yes, that was a moment of weakness...but I couldn't believe in you.I don't know whether I was asleep or awake last time.Perhaps Iwas only dreaming then and didn't see you really at all-""And why were you so surly with Alyosha just now? He is a dear;I've treated him badly over Father Zossima.""Don't talk of Alyosha! How dare you, you flunkey!" Ivan laughed again.
"You scold me, but you laugh- that's a good sign.But you are ever so much more polite than you were last time and I know why: that great resolution of yours-""Don't speak of my resolution," cried Ivan, savagely.
"I understand, I understand, c'est noble, c'est charmant, you are going to defend your brother and to sacrifice yourself...C'est chevaleresque.""Hold your tongue, I'll kick you!"
"I shan't be altogether sorry, for then my object will be attained.If you kick me, you must believe in my reality, for people don't kick ghosts.Joking apart, it doesn't matter to me, scold if you like, though it's better to be a trifle more polite even to me.'Fool, flunkey!' what words!""Scolding you, I scold myself," Ivan laughed again, "you are myself, myself, only with a different face.You just say what I am thinking...and are incapable of saying anything new!""If I am like you in my way of thinking, it's all to my credit,"the gentleman declared, with delicacy and dignity.
"You choose out only my worst thoughts, and what's more, the stupid ones.You are stupid and vulgar.You are awfully stupid.No, I can't put up with you! What am I to do, what am I to do?" Ivan said through his clenched teeth.
"My dear friend, above all things I want to behave like a gentleman and to be recognised as such," the visitor began in an access of deprecating and simple-hearted pride, typical of a poor relation."I am poor, but...I won't say very honest, but...it's an axiom generally accepted in society that I am a fallen angel.Icertainly can't conceive how I can ever have been an angel.If Iever was, it must have been so long ago that there's no harm in forgetting it.Now I only prize the reputation of being a gentlemanly person and live as I can, trying to make myself agreeable.
I love men genuinely, I've been greatly calumniated! Here when Istay with you from time to time, my life gains a kind of reality and that's what I like most of all.You see, like you, I suffer from the fantastic and so I love the realism of earth.Here, with you, everything is circumscribed, here all is formulated and geometrical, while we have nothing but indeterminate equations! I wander about here dreaming.I like dreaming.Besides, on earth I become superstitious.
