This afternoon, the sight of Bob's cheerful freckled face had given her discontent a new direction.She thought it was part of the hardship of her life that there was laid upon her the burthen of larger wants than others seemed to feel, that she had to endure this wide hopeless yearning for that something, whatever it was, that was greatest and best on this earth.She wished she could have been like Bob, with his easily satisfied ignorance, or like Tom, who had something to do on which he could fix his mind with a steady purpose and disregard everything else.Poor child! as she leaned her head against the window-frame with her hands clasped tighter and tighter and her foot beating the ground, she was as lonely in her trouble as if she had been the only girl in the civilised world of that day, who had come out of her school-life with a soul untrained for inevitable struggles - with no other part of her inherited share in the hard-won treasures of thought, which generations of painful toil have laid up for the race of men than shreds and patches of feeble literature and false history - with much futile information about Saxon and other kings of doubtful example, but unhappily quite without that knowledge of the irreversible laws within and without her which, governing the habits, becomes morality, and, developing the feelings of submission and dependence, becomes religion: - as lonely in her trouble as if every other girl besides herself had been cherished and watched over by elder minds, not forgetful of their own early time when need was keen and impulse strong.
At last Maggie's eyes glanced down on the books that lay on the window shelf, and she half forsook her reverie to turn over listlessly the leaves of the `Portrait Gallery,' but she soon pushed this aside to examine the little row of books tied together with string.`Beauties of the Spectator,'
`Rasselas,' `Economy of Human Life,' `Gregory's Letters' - she knew the sort of matter that was inside all these: the `Christian Year' - that seemed to be a hymn-book, and she laid it down again; but Thomas à Kempis ?
- the name had come across her in her reading, and she felt the satisfaction, which every one knows, of getting some ideas to attach to a name that strays solitary in the memory.She took up the little, old, clumsy book with some curiosity: it had the corners turned down in many places, and some hand, now for ever quiet, had made at certain passages strong pen and ink marks, long since browned by time.Maggie turned from leaf to leaf and read where the quiet hand pointed...`Know that the love of thyself doth hurt thee more than anything in the world...If thou seekest this or that, and wouldst be here or there, to enjoy thy own will and pleasure thou shalt never be quiet nor free from care: for in everything somewhat will be wanting, and in every place there will be some that will cross thee...Both above and below, which way soever thou dost turn thee, everywhere thou shalt find the Cross: and everywhere of necessity thou must have patience, if thou wilt have inward peace, and enjoy an everlasting crown...If thou desire to mount unto this height, thou must set out courageously, and lay the axe to the root; that thou mayst pluck up and destroy that hidden inordinate inclination to thyself, and unto all private and earthly good.On this sin, that a man inordinately loveth himself, almost all dependeth, whatsoever is thoroughly to be overcome; which evil being once overcome and subdued, there will presently ensue great peace and tranquillity...It is but little thou sufferest in comparison of them that have suffered so much, were so strongly tempted, so grievously afflicted, so many ways tried and exercised.
Thou oughtest therefore to call to mind the more heavy sufferings of others, that thou mayst the easier bear thy little adversities.And if they seem not little unto thee, beware lest thy impatience be the cause thereof...
Blessed are those ears that receive the whispers of the divine voice, and listen not to the whisperings of the world.Blessed are those ears which hearken not unto the voice which soundeth outwardly, but unto the Truth which teacheth inwardly...'
A strange thrill of awe passed through Maggie while she read, as if she had been wakened in the night by a strain of solemn music, telling of beings whose souls had been astir while hers was in stupor.She went on from one brown mark to another, where the quiet hand seemed to point, hardly conscious that she was reading - seeming rather to listen while a low voice said, `Why dost thou here gaze about, since this is not the place of thy rest?
In heaven ought to be thy dwelling, and all earthly things are to be looked on as they forward thy journey thither.All things pass away, and thou together with them.Beware thou cleave not unto them, lest thou be entangled and perish...If a man should give all his substance, yet it is as nothing.
And if he should do great penances, yet are they but little.And if he should attain to all knowledge, he is yet far off.And if he should be of great virtue, and very fervent devotion, yet is there much wanting;to wit, one thing, which is most necessary for him.What is that? That having left all, he leave himself, and go wholly out of himself, and retain nothing of self-love...I have often said unto thee, and now again I say the same: Forsake thyself, resign thyself, and thou shalt enjoy much inward peace...Then shall all vain imaginations, evil perturbations, and superfluous cares fly away; then shall immoderate fear leave thee and inordinate love shall die.'
