登陆注册
5339900000113

第113章 At Christminster Again(6)

Jude had kept back his own grief on account of her;but he now broke down;and this stimulated Sue to efforts of sympathy which in some degree distracted her from her poignant self-reproach.When everybody was gone,she was allowed to see the children.

The boy's face expressed the whole tale of their situation.On that little shape had converged all the inauspiciousness and shadow which had darkened the first union of Jude,and all the accidents,mistakes,fears,errors of the last.He was their nodal point,their focus,their expression in a single term.For the rashness of those parents he had groaned,for their ill assortment he had quaked,and for the misfortunes of these he had died.

When the house was silent,and they could do nothing but await the coroner's inquest,a subdued,large,low voice spread into the air of the room from behind the heavy walls at the back.

'What is it?'said Sue,her spasmodic breathing suspended.

'The organ of the college chapel.The organist practising I suppose.

It's the anthem from the seventy-third Psalm;'Truly God is loving unto Israel.''

She sobbed again.'Oh,Oh my babies!They had done no harm!Why should they have been taken away,and not I!'

There was another stillness -broken at last by two persons in conversation somewhere without.

'They are talking about us,no doubt!'moaned Sue.''We are made a spectacle unto the world,and to angels,and to men!''

Jude listened -'No -they are not talking of us,'he said.'They are two clergymen of different views,arguing about the eastward position.

Good God -the eastward position,and all creation groaning!'

Then another silence,till she was seized with another uncontrollable fit of grief.'There is something external to us which says,'You shan't!'

First it said,'You shan't learn!'Then it said,'You shan't labour!'Now it says,'You shan't love!''

He tried to soothe her by saying,'That's bitter of you,darling.'

'But it's true!'

Thus they waited,and she went back again to her room.The baby's frock,shoes,and socks,which had been lying on a chair at the time of his death,she would not now have removed,though Jude would fain have got them out of her sight.But whenever he touched them she implored him to let them lie,and burst out almost savagely at the woman of the house when she also attempted to put them away.

Jude dreaded her dull apathetic silences almost more than her paroxysms.'Why don't you speak to me,Jude?'she cried out,after one of these.'Don't turn away from me!I can't bear the loneliness of being out of your looks!'

'There,dear;here I am,'he said,putting his face close to hers.

'Yes....Oh,my comrade,our perfect union -our two-in-oneness -is now stained with blood!'

'Shadowed by death -that's all.'

'Ah;but it was I who incited him really,though I didn't know I was doing it!I talked to the child as one should only talk to people of mature age.I said the world was against us,that it was better to be out of life than in it at this price;and he took it literally.And I told him I was going to have another child.It upset him.Oh how bitterly he upbraided me!'

'Why did you do it,Sue?'

'I can't tell.It was that I wanted to be truthful.I couldn't bear deceiving him as to the facts of life.And yet I wasn't truthful,for with a false delicacy I told him too obscurely.-Why was I half-wiser than my fellow-women?And not entirely wiser!Why didn't I tell him pleasant untruths,instead of half-realities?It was my want of self-control,so that I could neither conceal things nor reveal them!'

'Your plan might have been a good one for the majority of cases;only in our peculiar case it chanced to work badly perhaps.He must have known sooner or later.'

'And I was just making my baby darling a new frock;and now Ishall never see him in it,and never talk to him any more!...My eyes are so swollen that I can scarcely see;and yet little more than a year ago I called myself happy!We went about loving each other too much -indulging ourselves to utter selfishness with each other!We said -do you remember?

-that we would make a virtue of joy.I said it was Nature's intention,Nature's law and raison d'être that we should be joyful in what instincts she afforded us -instincts which civilization had taken upon itself to thwart.What dreadful things I said!And now Fate has given us this stab in the back for being such fools as to take Nature at her word!'

She sank into a quiet contemplation,till she said,'It is best,perhaps,that they should be gone.-Yes -I see it is!Better that they should be plucked fresh than stay to wither away miserably!'

'Yes,'replied Jude.'Some say that the elders should rejoice when their children die in infancy.'

'But they don't know!...Oh my babies,my babies,could you be alive now!You may say the boy wished to be out of life,or he wouldn't have done it.It was not unreasonable for him to die:it was part of his incurably sad nature,poor little fellow!But then the others -my own children and yours!'

Again Sue looked at the hanging little frock and at the socks and shoes;and her figure quivered like a string.'I am a pitiable creature,'she said,'good neither for earth nor heaven any more!I am driven out of my mind by things!What ought to be done?'She stared at Jude,and tightly held his hand.

'Nothing can be done,'he replied.'Things are as they are,and will be brought to their destined issue.'

She paused.'Yes!Who said that?'she asked heavily.

'It comes in the chorus of the Agamemnon .It has been in my mind continually since this happened.'

'My poor Jude -how you've missed everything!-you more than I,for I did get you!To think you should know that by your unassisted reading,and yet be in poverty and despair!'

After such momentary diversions her grief would return in a wave.

同类推荐
热门推荐
  • 有钱还苟的仙二代

    有钱还苟的仙二代

    我们的世界真的就这么简单吗?从地球走出6那么多的穿越者,估计穿越到地球的也不少吧?那他们在哪里呢?
  • 故事会(2019年2月上)

    故事会(2019年2月上)

    《故事会》是中国最通俗的民间文学小本杂志,是中国的老牌刊物之一。先后获得两届中国期刊的最高奖——国家期刊奖。1998年,它在世界综合类期刊中发行量排名第5。从1984年开始,《故事会》由双月刊改为月刊,2003年11月份开始试行半月刊,2004年正式改为半月刊。现分为红、绿两版,其中红版为上半月刊,绿版为下半月刊。
  • 波隆那比熊

    波隆那比熊

    家具城马上要关门,二楼一户商家把马龙喊过去,让他往“德国小镇”送一只“五斗橱”。老板娘说,马龙,去了你一个人扛到楼上就可以了,我给你加十块钱搬运费。马龙赶紧道谢,您就是我的衣食父母,您的大恩大德我下辈子也不忘。老板娘说,马屁精,路上小心点,别把柜子给我蹭了。装好柜子,马龙又在外边罩了一层毡布,电动三轮车后马槽有点松动,哗哩哗啦地响,他找来一根八号铁丝在角上紧了紧。“德国小镇”离他的住处不远,送完货他一拧油门就回家了。“德国小镇”是三年前刚刚开发出的楼盘,凤城有名的富人区。天色暗下来,路灯亮了,马龙等了五个红灯,半个小时后看到了“德国小镇”的指路牌。
  • 反派boss改造计划

    反派boss改造计划

    奔波在漫漫宇宙中的系统好不容易绑定了一个各项指标都符合的完美宿主,但这小姐姐怎么和它扫描的数据不符合?【小姐姐,你过目不忘吗?】“小意思。”【小姐姐,你可以徒手接大招吗?】“小意思。”【小姐姐,你有一颗积极向上敬业友善的心吗?】“小意思。”然而无敌如小姐姐,也有走不动路的时候。【小姐姐你在做什么!】“那个妹子……好萌好可爱!”流口水……【小姐姐不要管妹子啦,看这里,温柔可爱小奶狗,随时可以压倒哦~】天夜:“够萌够可爱。喜欢,我的!”本文1V1,女主强悍自带金手指。求收藏,求推荐,求订阅。
  • 迷云重重

    迷云重重

    传说中使人富可敌国的神秘秘籍身在何处?众多的王公贵族、英雄豪杰、江湖路人你死我活的争夺到底是为哪般?神秘的府宅里到底藏有什么重大的秘密?神秘与诡异的故事为什么会一个接一个的发生?神秘的故事,跌宕起伏、扣人心弦的情节将带你进入一个非一般的梦幻世界,欲罢不能……
  • 冰山老婆爱上我

    冰山老婆爱上我

    【都市精品,火爆连载】招惹我老婆的家伙都在医院趟着,这不是玩笑,真不是玩笑!
  • 金牌推销员胜过公务员

    金牌推销员胜过公务员

    日本“推销之神”原一平说过:“因为我走的路比别人多,跑得比别人勤,而且我总是在思考、在学习,这就是我的推销秘诀。”放下虚荣心,心态就会转变,为人处事的方法也会随之转变。不管能不能升职,工作时都要尽最大努力。客户的建立需要一个过程,只要有恒心,能坚持下去,业务就会到来。一个人要做出点成就,最终靠自己,任何人都代替不了你自己的努力。品德高尚的人才能被他人信任,才能成为他人愿意合作的对象。
  • 王爷,本宫不和亲

    王爷,本宫不和亲

    十年前的一场大火,让她失去了所有,被困于深宫中,唯有“复仇”二字才让她有了活下去的勇气;狸猫换太子,他从小喝着“三生醉”长大,隐忍残喘,暗中发展,不过是想要获得那江山王座,俯视众生。一场阴谋重重的和亲,让他们相遇。皇家人最悲哀的不过是,连枕边人也不得不防。可是当一层层阴谋揭开,所有的杀戮都是为了复仇,最后且看谁坐拥江山,是否孤寂。
  • 诡谲异闻录

    诡谲异闻录

    此书每个故事独立,纯正悬疑风,书中部分事件为真人真事?
  • 都市观气师

    都市观气师

    “汝能割爱,即可破妄;汝能破妄,即是返真,直入菩提之路。”众生不得真道,便是因这妄心,世人也都晓得这妄心,是伤神忧心的烦恼,是贪恋怨恨的心魔,然世间又有几人能堪破这妄心,明悟真道?你不能,我不能,书中的风建春也不能。老君曰:内观其心,心无其心。外观其形,形无其形。远观其物,物无其物。三者既悟,惟见于空。是以,妄心是虚妄,菩提是虚妄,真道也是虚妄,书中的故事也是虚妄……