登陆注册
4917300000023

第23章 PUBLIC LIFE OF MR. TULRUMBLE - ONCE MAYOR OF MUDFO

'MR. PIPKIN (M.R.C.S.) read a short but most interesting communication in which he sought to prove the complete belief of Sir William Courtenay, otherwise Thorn, recently shot at Canterbury, in the Homoeopathic system. The section would bear in mind that one of the Homoeopathic doctrines was, that infinitesimal doses of any medicine which would occasion the disease under which the patient laboured, supposing him to be in a healthy state, would cure it. Now, it was a remarkable circumstance - proved in the evidence - that the deceased Thorn employed a woman to follow him about all day with a pail of water, assuring her that one drop (a purely homoeopathic remedy, the section would observe), placed upon his tongue, after death, would restore him. What was the obvious inference? That Thorn, who was marching and countermarching in osier beds, and other swampy places, was impressed with a presentiment that he should be drowned; in which case, had his instructions been complied with, he could not fail to have been brought to life again instantly by his own prescription. As it was, if this woman, or any other person, had administered an infinitesimal dose of lead and gunpowder immediately after he fell, he would have recovered forthwith. But unhappily the woman concerned did not possess the power of reasoning by analogy, or carrying out a principle, and thus the unfortunate gentleman had been sacrificed to the ignorance of the peasantry.

'SECTION D. - STATISTICS.

OUT-HOUSE, BLACK BOY AND STOMACH-ACHE.

PRESIDENT - Mr. Slug. VICE-PRESIDENTS - Messrs. Noakes and Styles.

'MR. KWAKLEY stated the result of some most ingenious statistical inquiries relative to the difference between the value of the qualification of several members of Parliament as published to the world, and its real nature and amount. After reminding the section that every member of Parliament for a town or borough was supposed to possess a clear freehold estate of three hundred pounds per annum, the honourable gentleman excited great amusement and laughter by stating the exact amount of freehold property possessed by a column of legislators, in which he had included himself. It appeared from this table, that the amount of such income possessed by each was 0 pounds, 0 shillings, and 0 pence, yielding an average of the same. (Great laughter.) It was pretty well known that there were accommodating gentlemen in the habit of furnishing new members with temporary qualifications, to the ownership of which they swore solemnly - of course as a mere matter of form. He argued from these DATA that it was wholly unnecessary for members of Parliament to possess any property at all, especially as when they had none the public could get them so much cheaper.

'SUPPLEMENTARY SECTION, E. - UMBUGOLOGY AND DITCHWATERISICS.

PRESIDENT - Mr. Grub. VICE PRESIDENTS - Messrs. Dull and Dummy.

同类推荐
热门推荐
  • 生死足球经理

    生死足球经理

    足球无关生死,足球高于生死。——香克利要我说,足球就是生死。——李承峰熟女,御姐,还是萝莉,林志玲,艾米莉,刘亦菲,还是谁,这是个问题。小孩才做选择。这是一个误入CM世界,被死亡追逐的足球经理的故事,是他在现实和梦幻中坚持前行,自我拯救的故事。
  • 认真起来自己都怕

    认真起来自己都怕

    在漫威世界,拍着漫威的电影……请问:透剧犯法吗?在线等,急!!!!群:漫威娱乐部门—541665674敲门砖:林叶
  • 中国人到底想要什么

    中国人到底想要什么

    当你的工资跑不赢通胀、当你因为拼爹无力生存艰难、当你背负巨额房贷拼命挣扎的时候,还要面对有毒的空气和食品,你是不是觉得,在中国活下去需要强大的勇气?是公平的教育、完善的福利、安全的养老,还是反腐廉政、缩小贫富差距?
  • 余生只对你情有独钟

    余生只对你情有独钟

    【甜蜜1V1】宁小萌遇见莫忻辰的那一刻,她觉得自己倒了八辈子血霉!后来她才知道,遇见他其实是花光了自己一辈子的运气。即使知道爱你是场冒险,那我也会勇往直前!
  • 捡了一个奇怪服

    捡了一个奇怪服

    捡到一个变态服务器,游戏里的装备属性可以具现。没有VIP,装备功法全靠打!没有NPC,没有玩家!怪物是我的,副本也是我的。装备、BOSS,全是我的。……我莫得感情,我有暴击,我能一刀999级。
  • 暗夜中的烟火

    暗夜中的烟火

    这个问题,初恋的男女生会问,恋爱的男女会问,甚至人到中年,依然会问。似乎这是一个永远回答不完的问题……我喜欢闻今天这个时候窗外的味道……你会问特别吗??是的!很特别~~暖暖的空气中散发着一种让人着魔的气息,很小的时候我就恋上了这样一种味道。只有很灿烂很灿烂的晴天才会散发的气息,尤其傍晚……闻着它带着淡淡的忧伤,我不明白这忧伤源自什么?
  • 幻士仁贤经

    幻士仁贤经

    本书为公版书,为不受著作权法限制的作家、艺术家及其它人士发布的作品,供广大读者阅读交流。汇聚授权电子版权。
  • 总裁的专属女医

    总裁的专属女医

    她本是名门小姐,有哥哥宠爱,幸福美满。一遭变故,她用自己仅有的独门绝技,提出离家五年。他,全球最大财团的总裁,面对父母的逼婚,他们互相利用,签订协议。面对协议之外的感情,还有他前任的骚扰,她说:“林先生,我们离婚吧”面对迟来的婚礼,他说,我今生最大的幸运就是找到你,爱上你。(作者:这世间除了爱,我再也想不到其他强大的东西。)
  • 嘉尔曼(傅雷全集)

    嘉尔曼(傅雷全集)

    《嘉尔曼》故事发生在西班牙,主人公嘉尔曼是个聪明美丽、独立不羁、又十分任性的吉普赛女郎。她是一个具有强烈个性的、要求自由的女性。她身上有邪恶的特点,为达目的不择手段,但重要的是她的真诚、坦率、刚毅不屈。她蔑视资本主义社会的道德法律,用恶习的方式反抗社会,是社会的叛逆者。
  • 五洲大陆乾坤谱

    五洲大陆乾坤谱

    各族纷争的年代,一个个各怀目的的人物粉墨登场,各派势力明争暗斗,上古神器接连出世更是搅动江湖风起云涌。自幼在寺庙长大的乾元能否解开自己的身世之谜,又能否在这乱世成就一番伟业。