As Riley sat there staring at him,Ryan said the words again…
"I'm ruined.My whole life is ruined."
Riley was stunned.She couldn't remember the last time he'd spoken in such a despondent tone.Arrogance and self-confidence were more his style.
"What do you mean?"she asked.
He heaved a long,miserable sigh and said,"Paul and Barrett——they're forcing me out of the firm."
Riley could hardly believe her ears.
Paul Vernasco and Barrett Gaynor had been Ryan's law partners ever since the three of them had founded the firm together.More than that,they'd been Ryan's most supportive friends.
She asked,"What on earth happened?"
Ryan shrugged and said in a reticent voice,"Something to do with my being a liability to the firm… I don't know."
But Riley could tell by his caginess that he knew exactly why he was being forced out.
And it only took a moment for her to guess the reason.
"Sexual harassment,"she said.
Ryan winced at the words.
"Look,it was all a misunderstanding,"he said.
Riley almost had to bite her tongue to keep from saying…
"Yeah,I'll bet it was."
Avoiding Riley's eyes,Ryan continued,"Her name is Kyanne,and she's an associate,and she's young…"
As his voice trailed off for a moment,Riley thought…
Of course she's young.
They're always young.
Ryan said,"And I thought everything was mutual.I really did.It started off with some flirtation——on both of our parts,believe me.Then it escalated from there until… well,she went to Paul and Barrett complaining about a toxic work environment.They tried to handle it with a nondisclosure agreement,but she wouldn't settle.Nothing would do,I guess,except for me to go."
He fell quiet again,and Riley tried to grasp all that he was leaving unsaid.It wasn't hard to put together a possible scenario.Ryan had gotten enthralled with a pretty and vivacious associate,maybe an ambitious young woman with her eye on an eventual partnership.
How far did Ryan go? she wondered.
She doubted that he would have held a promotion over her head in exchange for sexual favors…
He's not that kind of a creep, she thought.
And maybe Ryan was also telling the truth about the attraction being mutual,at least at the start.Maybe they'd even had a consensual affair.But at some point things had soured,and the woman,Kyanne,hadn't liked what was happening between them.
Probably with good reason, Riley figured.
How could Kyanne have helped thinking that her future with the firm was somehow linked to her relationship with Ryan? He was a full partner,after all.He wielded the power in their relationship.
Still,something didn't add up for Riley…
She said,"So Paul and Barrett are forcing you out? That's their solution?"
Ryan nodded,and Riley shook her head with disbelief.
Paul and Barrett weren't exactly Boy Scouts themselves,and Riley had overheard some pretty salacious talk among all three of the partners over the years.She was sure that their behavior had been no better than Ryan's——possibly considerably worse.
She said,"Ryan,you said she wouldn't sign an NDA."
Ryan nodded and took a sip of his drink.
Very cautiously she asked,"How many sexual harassment NDAs have you worked out over the years?"
Ryan winced again,and Riley knew she'd hit upon the truth.
She added,"And Paul and Barrett——how many NDAs have they had to negotiate for themselves?"
Ryan began,"Riley,I'd rather not get into——"
"No,of course you wouldn't,"Riley interrupted."Ryan,you're being scapegoated.You know that,don't you? Paul and Barrett are trying to clean up the firm's image,make it look like they've got some kind of zero-tolerance policy toward harassment.Getting rid of you is their way of doing that."
Ryan shrugged and said,"I know.But what can I do?"
Riley certainly didn't know what to tell him.She didn't want to sympathize with him.He'd been digging this hole for himself for years.Even so,she hated the trick his partners had played on him.
But she knew there was nothing he could do about it now.Besides,something else was worrying her.
Nodding toward the bags,she asked,"What are these for?"
Ryan looked at the bags for a moment.
Then he said in a choked voice,"Riley,I can't go home."
Riley gasped aloud.
"What do you mean?"she asked."Did you lose the house?"
"No,not yet.It's just that…"
Ryan's voice faded,then he said…
"I can't face it alone.I can't live in that house alone.I keep remembering happy times with you and April.I keep thinking about how badly I screwed things up for all of us.The place breaks my heart,Riley."
He took out his handkerchief and wiped his eyes.Riley was shocked.She'd very rarely seen Ryan cry.She almost felt like crying herself.
But she knew she had a serious problem to solve right now.
She said in a gentle voice…
"Ryan,you can't stay here."
Ryan shriveled like a punctured balloon.Riley wished her words weren't so hurtful.But she had to be honest.
"I've got my own life now,"she said."I've got two girls to raise.And it's a good life.Blaine and I are serious about each other——really serious.In fact…"
She almost went on to tell him about Blaine's plans to build onto his house.
But no,that would be too much right now.
Instead she said,"You can sell our old house."
"I know,"Ryan said,still crying softly."I plan to.But in the meantime… I just can't live there."
Riley wished she could do something to comfort him——take his hand,give him a hug,or some other physical gesture of comfort.
It was tempting,and some of her old feeling for him was welling up inside her but…
Don't do it, she told herself.
Stay cool.
Think of Blaine.
Think of the kids.
Ryan was sobbing pathetically now.In a truly frantic voice he said…
"Riley,I'm sorry.I want to start all over.I want to be a good husband and a good dad.Surely I can do that if… we try again."
Still keeping physical space between them,Riley said…
"Ryan,we can't.It's way too late for that."
"It's never too late,"Ryan cried."Let's just go away,the two of us,put things back together."
Riley shuddered deeply.
He doesn't know what he's saying, she thought.
He's having a nervous breakdown.
She also felt pretty sure now that he'd been drinking earlier today.
Then,with a nervous laugh,he said…
"I've got it! Let's head up to your dad's cabin! I've never even been there,can you believe it? Not once in all these years.We can spend a few days there and——"
Riley interrupted him sharply,"Ryan no."
He stared at her as if he couldn't believe his ears.
In a gentler voice Riley said,"I've sold the cabin,Ryan.And even if I hadn't…"
She fell silent for a moment,then said…
"Ryan,you've got to pull yourself out of this.I wish I could help you,but I can't."
Ryan's shoulders sagged and his sobbing grew quieter.He seemed to be taking Riley's words to heart.
She said,"You're a tough,smart,resourceful man.You can come back from all this.I know you can.But I can't be a part of it.It wouldn't be good for me——and if you're honest with yourself,you know it wouldn't be good for you either."
Ryan nodded miserably.
"You're right,"he said,his voice steadier now."It's my own mess and I've got to fix it.I'm sorry I bothered you.I'll go home now."
As he got to his feet,Riley said…
"Wait a minute.You're in no condition to drive home.Let me drive you.You can come back and get your car when you're feeling better."
Ryan nodded again.
Riley was relieved that they weren't going to have an argument about it,and that she didn't have to forcibly take his car keys away from him.
Riley finally dared to take him by the arm as she led him out to her own car.He really did seem to need her physical support.
They were both silent during the drive.When they pulled up to the big,beautiful house they'd once shared,he said,"Riley,there's something I've been meaning to tell you.I… I think you've done really well.And I wish you every happiness."
Riley felt a lump in her throat.
"Oh,Ryan——"she began.
"No,please listen to me,because this is important.I admire you.You've done so many great things.You've been a great mother to April,and you've adopted Jilly,and you're starting into a relationship,and I can tell that he's a great guy.And all the while you've been doing your job,stopping bad guys,saving lives.I don't know how you've done it.Your life is all of a piece."
Riley was deeply startled——and deeply disturbed.
When was the last time Ryan had said anything like this to her?
She simply had no idea what to say.
To her relief,Ryan got out of the car without saying another word.
Riley sat staring at the house as Ryan went on inside.Her heart really went out to him.She couldn't imagine facing that house alone herself——not with all the memories it harbored,both good or bad.
And those words he'd said…
"Your life is all of a piece."
She sighed and murmured aloud…
"It's not true."
It was still a struggle for her,raising two girls while working at a consuming and often dangerous job.She was pulled in too many directions,had too many commitments,and she hadn't yet learned to handle it.
Was it always going to be this way?
And how was Blaine going to fit into it all?
Was a successful marriage even possible for her?
She shuddered at the thought that maybe she'd be in Ryan's shoes one day.
Then she pulled away from the house where she had once lived,and drove back home.
