登陆注册
5896100000011

第11章

The bitch-goddess,Success,was trailed by thousands of gasping,dogs with lolling tongues.The one that got her first was the real dog among dogs,if you go by success!So Michaelis could keep his tail up.

The queer thing was,he didn't.He came back towards tea-time with a large handful of violets and lilies,and the same hang-dog expression.

Connie wondered sometimes if it were a sort of mask to disarm opposition,because it was almost too fixed.Was he really such a sad dog?

His sad-dog sort of extinguished self persisted all the evening,though through it Clifford felt the inner effrontery.Connie didn't feel it,perhaps because it was not directed against women;only against men,and their presumptions and assumptions.That indestructible,inward effrontery in the meagre fellow was what made men so down on Michaelis.His very presence was an affront to a man of society,cloak it as he might in an assumed good manner.

Connie was in love with him,but she managed to sit with her embroidery and let the men talk,and not give herself away.As for Michaelis,he was perfect;exactly the same melancholic,attentive,aloof young fellow of the previous evening,millions of degrees remote from his hosts,but laconically playing up to them to the required amount,and never coming forth to them for a moment.Connie felt he must have forgotten the morning.He had not forgotten.But he knew where he was...in the same old place outside,where the born outsiders are.He didn't take the love-making altogether personally.

He knew it would not change him from an ownerless dog,whom everybody begrudges its golden collar,into a comfortable society dog.

The final fact being that at the very bottom of his soul he was an outsider,and anti-social,and he accepted the fact inwardly,no matter how Bond-Streety he was on the outside.His isolation was a necessity to him;just as the appearance of conformity and mixing-in with the smart people was also a necessity.

But occasional love,as a comfort arid soothing,was also a good thing,and he was not ungrateful.On the contrary,he was burningly,poignantly grateful for a piece of natural,spontaneous kindness:almost to tears.

Beneath his pale,immobile,disillusioned face,his child's soul was sobbing with gratitude to the woman,and burning to come to her again;just as his outcast soul was knowing he would keep really clear of her.

He found an opportunity to say to her,as they were lighting the candles in the hall:

'May I come?'

'I'll come to you,'she said.

'Oh,good!'

He waited for her a long time...but she came.

He was the trembling excited sort of lover,whose crisis soon came,and was finished.There was something curiously childlike and defenceless about his naked body:as children are naked.His defences were all in his wits and cunning,his very instincts of cunning,and when these were in abeyance he seemed doubly naked and like a child,of unfinished,tender flesh,and somehow struggling helplessly.

He roused in the woman a wild sort of compassion and yearning,and a wild,craving physical desire.The physical desire he did not satisfy in her;he was always come and finished so quickly,then shrinking down on her breast,and recovering somewhat his effrontery while she lay dazed,disappointed,lost.

But then she soon learnt to hold him,to keep him there inside her when his crisis was over.And there he was generous and curiously potent;he stayed firm inside her,giving to her,while she was active...wildly,passionately active,coming to her own crisis.And as he felt the frenzy of her achieving her own orgasmic satisfaction from his hard,erect passivity,he had a curious sense of pride and satisfaction.

'Ah,how good!'she whispered tremulously,and she became quite still,clinging to him.And he lay there in his own isolation,but somehow proud.

He stayed that time only the three days,and to Clifford was exactly the same as on the first evening;to Connie also.There was no breaking down his external man.

He wrote to Connie with the same plaintive melancholy note as ever,sometimes witty,and touched with a queer,sexless affection.A kind of hopeless affection he seemed to feel for her,and the essential remoteness remained the same.He was hopeless at the very core of him,and he wanted to be hopeless.He rather hated hope.'Une immense espérance a traverséla terre ',he read somewhere,and his comment was:'--and it's darned-well drowned everything worth having.'

Connie never really understood him,but,in her way,she loved him.

And all the time she felt the reflection of his hopelessness in her.She couldn't quite,quite love in hopelessness.And he,being hopeless,couldn't ever quite love at all.

So they went on for quite a time,writing,and meeting occasionally in London.She still wanted the physical,sexual thrill she could get with him by her own activity,his little orgasm being over.And he still wanted to give it her.Which was enough to keep them connected.

And enough to give her a subtle sort of self-assurance,something blind and a little arrogant.It was an almost mechanical confidence in her own powers,and went with a great cheerfulness.

She was terrifically cheerful at Wragby.And she used all her aroused cheerfulness and satisfaction to stimulate Clifford,so that he wrote his best at this time,and was almost happy in his strange blind way.He really reaped the fruits of the sensual satisfaction she got out of Michaelis'

male passivity erect inside her.But of course he never knew it,and if he had,he wouldn't have said thank you!

Yet when those days of her grand joyful cheerfulness and stimulus were gone,quite gone,and she was depressed and irritable,how Clifford longed for them again!Perhaps if he'd known he might even have wished to get her and Michaelis together again.

同类推荐
  • 朱文公政训

    朱文公政训

    本书为公版书,为不受著作权法限制的作家、艺术家及其它人士发布的作品,供广大读者阅读交流。汇聚授权电子版权。
  • Thornton on Labour and Its Claims

    Thornton on Labour and Its Claims

    本书为公版书,为不受著作权法限制的作家、艺术家及其它人士发布的作品,供广大读者阅读交流。汇聚授权电子版权。
  • 晚眺

    晚眺

    本书为公版书,为不受著作权法限制的作家、艺术家及其它人士发布的作品,供广大读者阅读交流。汇聚授权电子版权。
  • 皇明纪略

    皇明纪略

    本书为公版书,为不受著作权法限制的作家、艺术家及其它人士发布的作品,供广大读者阅读交流。汇聚授权电子版权。
  • 江阴城守后纪

    江阴城守后纪

    本书为公版书,为不受著作权法限制的作家、艺术家及其它人士发布的作品,供广大读者阅读交流。汇聚授权电子版权。
热门推荐
  • 穿越之回到书中当巫女

    穿越之回到书中当巫女

    叶海棠是误入时空的一缕魂魄,成了四神天地书中最不受作者亲妈待见的青龙巫女,说好的女主光环拯救绝美邪气大将军,嗜血凶残的狼人,性感杀戮并存的美女,心理扭曲的面具男,不死不老的神秘男,性格迥异的双生子。怎么遇上的都是软糯可爱的小正太和天真无邪的小萝莉,是她进入书中的时间以及打开的方式不对吗?为了不让原本虚弱的自己消散在异界的时空里,叶海棠不得不穿越不同的七个平行时空去完成自己所谓的巫女使命。
  • 道念行

    道念行

    我的新书《三忘妖乡》希望支持!主要讲赤县!
  • 快穿之各种人生

    快穿之各种人生

    苏苏这一辈子活得太无趣了,但苏苏是个没有定性的人,想到什么就做什么,也一定会做到最好。当这样的苏苏碰上了系统,又会发生什么事情呢?【第一次写文,不喜勿喷。】
  • 春麦

    春麦

    家住沙洼洼东梁上的姑娘王春麦,已经过了十七岁了。更多的时候,她总是一个人走出家门,走上村街,走出村子,翻过几块高低不平的沙坡地,去南梁坡上那片瘦脊麻杆但还有几片绿叶的胡杨树林走一走,静静地想一些与自己年龄十分相称的心事。所有人想的事情都一模一样,总是事出有因。王春麦的心事也是一样的,她的心事缘于那个已经没有多少记忆的黄昏。那时候,她刚刚初中毕业,她本来信誓旦旦地准备去一家市里的卫生学校继续读中专。报名的事情,都由她的同班好友罗海燕帮着联系好了,学费也不是太贵,一年才两千三。
  • 问君哪得卿如许

    问君哪得卿如许

    千里明月相思,不负柔光缱绻。谁视之珍宝,谁弃若敝履?谁捡起掷下,似掌间流沙。帝王将相生杀予,徒手乾坤翻天下。一世相思一场梦,血染素衣为卿煞。
  • 皇家饮食调养指南

    皇家饮食调养指南

    该书是一部古代营养学专著,全书共三卷。卷一讲的是诸般禁忌,聚珍品撰。卷二讲的是诸般汤煎,食疗诸病及食物相反中毒等。卷三讲的是米谷品,兽品、禽品、鱼品、果菜品和料物等。该书记载药膳和食疗方非常丰富,特别注重阐述各种饮撰的性味与滋补作用,并有妊娠食忌、乳母食忌、饮酒避忌等内容。它从健康人的实际饮食需要出发,以正常人膳食标准立论,制定了一套饮食卫生法则。书中还具体阐述了饮食卫生,营养疗法,乃至食物中毒的防治等,为我国现存第一部完整的饮食卫生和食疗专书,也是一部颇有价值的古代食谱。
  • 我有一个外星文明

    我有一个外星文明

    沈岳本以为自己以后的生活会是:毕业、找工作、结婚……,过着平凡的生活。可是,有一天他捡到了一个东西,那里面是一个外星文明!从此,隐藏的世界开始浮现出来。神秘、炫目、强大的各种异能纷纷展现光彩;正义、古怪、有趣的异能者与他交织在一起。银光乍现间是谁在轻声诉说,璀璨星芒迷离了谁的眼睛。虚幻?真实?无形?有形?都将遵从心灵的指引!
  • 阵痛

    阵痛

    陈集益,70后重要作家。曾就读于鲁迅文学院第七届中青年作家高级研讨班。浙江省作协签约作家。在《十月》《人民文学》《中国作家》《钟山》《天涯》等大型文学期刊发表小说六十万字。2009年获《十月》新锐人物奖。2010年获浙江省青年文学之星奖。
  • 世界异变之魔口求生

    世界异变之魔口求生

    末世开始,新世纪的到来,人类面临着一次又一次的考验。杨小艾带着主角光环敲丧尸、打进化兽,这一路上有热血,也有真情。……而在人类进化的时候,其他的动物也在慢慢的进化,并蛰伏在黑暗之中。 (本文不涉及现实生活的人与事,全靠臆想,不与现实接轨。)
  • 甜妻动人,神秘总裁心上宠

    甜妻动人,神秘总裁心上宠

    “齐家只是说要娶乔家的女儿,可没说非得是我,再说她长得又比我漂亮,她嫁过去齐家肯定更满意。”……