With respect to Wickham,the travellers soon found that he was not held there in much estimation;for though the chief of his concerns with the son of his patron were imperfectly understood,it was yet a well known fact that on his quitting Derbyshire he had left many debts behind him,which Mr Darcy afterwards discharged.
As for Elizabeth,her thoughts were at Pemberley this evening more than the last;and the evening,though as it passed it seemed long,was not long enough to determine her feelings towards one in that mansion;and she lay awake two whole hours endeavouring to make them out.She certainly did not hate him.No;hatred had vanished long ago,and she had almost as long been ashamed of ever feeling a dislike against him that could be so called.The respect created by the conviction of his valuable qualities,though at first unwillingly admitted,had for some time ceased to be repugnant to her feelings;and it was now heightened into somewhat of a friendlier nature by the testimony so highly in his favour,and bringing forward his disposition in so amiable a light,which yesterday had produced.But above all,above respect and esteem,there was a motive within her of good will which could not be overlooked.It was gratitude.Gratitude,not merely for having once loved her,but for loving her still well enough to forgive all the petulance and acrimony of her manner in rejecting him,and all the unjust accusations accompanying her rejection.He who,she had been persuaded,would avoid her as his greatest enemy,seemed,on this accidental meeting,most eager to preserve the acquaintance,and without any indelicate display of regard,or any peculiarity of manner,where their two selves only were concerned,was soliciting the good opinion of her friends,and bent on making her known to his sister.Such a change in a man of so much pride excited not only astonishment but gratitude-for to love,ardent love,it must be attributed;and as such,its impression on her was of a sort to be encouraged,as by no means unpleasing,though it could not be exactly defined.She respected,she esteemed,she was grateful to him;she felt a real interest in his welfare;and she only wanted to know how far she wished that welfare to depend upon herself,and how far it would be for the happiness of both that she should employ the power,which her fancy told her she still possessed,of bringing on the renewal of his addresses.
It had been settled in the evening,between the aunt and niece,that such a striking civility as Miss Darcy's,in coming to them on the very day of her arrival at Pemberley-for she had reached it only to a late breakfast-ought to be imitated,though it could not be equalled,by some exertion of politeness on their side;and,consequently,that it would be highly expedient to wait on her at Pemberley the following morning.They were,therefore,to go.-Elizabeth was pleased;though,when she asked herself the reason,she had very little to say in reply.
Mr Gardiner left them soon after breakfast.The fishing scheme had been renewed the day before,and a positive engagement made of his meeting some of the gentlemen at Pemberley by noon.
Chapter 45
Convinced as Elizabeth now was that Miss Bingley's dislike of her had originated in jealousy,she could not help feeling how very unwelcome her appearance at Pemberley must be to her,and was curious to know with how much civility on that lady's side the acquaintance would now be renewed.
On reaching the house,they were shewn through the hall into the saloon,whose northern aspect rendered it delightful for summer.Its windows,opening to the ground,admitted a most refreshing view of the high woody hills behind the house,and of the beautiful oaks and Spanish chesnuts which were scattered over the intermediate lawn.
In this room they were received by Miss Darcy,who was sitting there with Mrs Hurst and Miss Bingley,and the lady with whom she lived in London.Georgiana's reception of them was very civil;but attended with all that embarrassment which,though proceeding from shyness and the fear of doing wrong,would easily give to those who felt themselves inferior the belief of her being proud and reserved.Mrs Gardiner and her niece,however,did her justice,and pitied her.
By Mrs Hurst and Miss Bingley,they were noticed only by a curtsey;and on their being seated,a pause,awkward as such pauses must always be,succeeded for a few moments.It was first broken by Mrs Annesley,a genteel,agreeable looking woman,whose endeavour to introduce some kind of discourse proved her to be more truly well bred than either of the others;and between her and Mrs Gardiner,with occasional help from Elizabeth,the conversation was carried on.Miss Darcy looked as if she wished for courage enough to join in it;and sometimes did venture a short sentence,when there was least danger of its being heard.
Elizabeth soon saw that she was herself closely watched by Miss Bingley,and that she could not speak a word,especially to Miss Darcy,without calling her attention.This observation would not have prevented her from trying to talk to the latter,had they not been seated at an inconvenient distance;but she was not sorry to be spared the necessity of saying much.Her own thoughts were employing her.She expected every moment that some of the gentlemen would enter the room.She wished,she feared that the master of the house might be amongst them;and whether she wished or feared it most,she could scarcely determine.After sitting in this manner a quarter of an hour without hearing Miss Bingley's voice,Elizabeth was roused by receiving from her a cold inquiry after the health of her family.She answered with equal indifference and brevity,and the other said no more.
