The grief caused me by the coldness of Madam d'Houdetot, and the certainty of not having merited it, made me take the singular resolution to complain of it to Saint Lambert himself.While waiting the effect of the letter I wrote to him, I sought dissipations to which I ought sooner to have had recourse.Fetes were given at the Chevrette for which I composed music.The pleasure of honoring myself in the eyes of Madam d'Houdetot by a talent she loved, warmed my imagination, and another object still contributed to give it animation, this was the desire the author of the Devin du Village had of showing he understood music; for I had perceived some persons had, for a considerable time past, endeavored to render this doubtful, at least with respect to composition.My beginning at Paris, the ordeal through which I had several times passed there, both at the house of M.Dupin and that of M.de la Popliniere; the quantity of music I had composed during fourteen years in the midst of the most celebrated masters and before their eyes:- finally, the opera of the Muses Gallantes, and that even of the Devin; a motet I had composed for Mademoiselle Fel, and which she had sung at the spiritual concert;the frequent conferences I had had upon this fine art with the first composers, all seemed to prevent or dissipate a doubt of such a nature.This however existed even at the Chevrette, and in the mind of M.d'Epinay himself.Without appearing to observe it, I undertook to compose him a motet for the dedication of the chapel of the Chevrette, and I begged him to make choice of the words.He directed De Linant, the tutor to his son, to furnish me with these.De Linant gave me words proper to the subject, and in a week after I had received them the motet was finished.This time, spite was my Apollo, and never did better music come from my hand.The words began with: Ecce sedes hic Tonantis.(I have since learned these were by Santeuil, and that M.de Linant had without scruple appropriated them to himself.) The grandeur of the opening is suitable to the words, and the rest of the motet is so elegantly harmonious that every one was struck with it.I had composed it for a great orchestra.D'Epinay procured the best performers.Madam Bruna, an Italian singer, sung the motet, and was well accompanied.The composition succeeded so well that it was afterwards performed at the spiritual concert, where, in spite of secret cabals, and notwithstanding it was badly executed, it was twice generally applauded.I gave for the birthday of M.d'Epinay the idea of a kind of piece half dramatic and half pantomimical, of which Ialso composed the music.Grimm, on his arrival, heard speak of my musical success.An hour afterwards not a word more was said upon the subject; but there no longer remained a doubt, not at least that Iknow of, of my knowledge of composition.
Grimm was scarcely arrived at the Chevrette, where I already did not much amuse myself, before he made it insupportable to me by airs Inever before saw in any person, and of which I had no idea.The evening before he came, I was dislodged from the chamber of favor, contiguous to that of Madam d'Epinay; it was prepared for Grimm, and instead of it, I was put into another further off."In this manner,"said I, laughingly, to Madam d'Epinay, "new-comers displace those which are established." She seemed embarrassed.I was better acquainted the same evening with the reason for the change, in learning that between her chamber and that I had quitted there was a private door which she had thought needless to show me.Her intercourse with Grimm was not a secret either in her own house or to the public, not even to her husband; yet, far from confessing it to me, the confidant of secrets more important to her, and which was sure would be faithfully kept, she constantly denied it in the strongest manner.I comprehended this reserve proceeded from Grimm, who, though intrusted with all my secrets, did not choose I should be with any of his.
However prejudiced I was in favor of this man by former sentiments, which were not extinguished, and by the real merit he had, all was not proof against the cares he took to destroy it.He received me like the Comte de Tuffiere; he scarcely deigned to return my salute; he never once spoke to me, and prevented my speaking to him by not making me any answer; he everywhere passed first, and took the first place without ever paying me the least attention.All this would have been supportable had he not accompanied it with a shocking affectation, which may be judged of by one example taken from a hundred.One evening Madam d'Epinay, finding herself a little indisposed, ordered something for her supper to be carried into her chamber, and went up stairs to sup by the side of the fire.She asked me to go with her, which I did.Grimm came afterwards.The little table was already placed, and there were but two covers.Supper was served: Madam d'Epinay took her place on one side of the fire, Grimm took an armed chair, seated himself at the other, drew the little table between them, opened his napkin, and prepared himself for eating without speaking to me a single word.Madam d'Epinay blushed at his behavior, and, to induce him to repair his rudeness, offered me her place.He said nothing, nor did he ever look at me.Not being able to approach the fire, I walked about the chamber until a cover was brought.Indisposed as I was, older than himself, longer acquainted in the house than he had been, the person who had introduced him there, and to whom as favorite of the lady he ought to have done the honors of it, he suffered me to sup at the end of the table, at a distance from the fire, without showing me the least civility.His whole behavior to me corresponded with this example of it.He did not treat me precisely as his inferior, but he looked upon me as a cipher.
