"I've been thinking a great deal during the last few months,"I went on unsteadily."And I've changed a good many of my ideas--that is,I've got new ones,about things I never thought of before.I want to say,first,that I do not put forth any claim to come back into your life.I know Ihave forfeited any claim.I've neglected you,and I've neglected the children.Our marriage has been on a false basis from the start,and I've been to blame for it.There is more to be said about the chances for a successful marriage in these days,but I'm not going to dwell on that now,or attempt to shoulder off my shortcomings on my bringing up,on the civilization in which we have lived.You've tried to do your share,and the failure hasn't been your fault.I want to tell you first of all that I recognize your right to live your life from now on,independently of me,if you so desire.You ought to have the children--"I hesitated a moment.It was the hardest thing I had to say."I've never troubled myself about them,I've never taken on any responsibility in regard to their bringing up.""Hugh!"she cried.
"Wait--I've got more to tell you,that you ought to know.I shouldn't be here to-day if Nancy Durrett had consented to--to get a divorce and marry me.We had agreed to that when this accident happened to Ham,and she went back to him.I have to tell you that I still love her--I can't say how much,or define my feelings toward her now.I've given up all idea of her.I don't think I'd marry her now,even if I had the chance,and you should decide to live away from me.I don't know.I'm not so sure of myself as I once was.The fact is,Maude,circumstances have been too much for me.I've been beaten.And I'm not at all certain that it wasn't a cowardly thing for me to come back to you at all."I felt her hand trembling under mine,but I had not the courage to look at her.I heard her call my name again a little cry,the very poignancy of pity and distress.It almost unnerved me.
"I knew that you loved her,Hugh,"she said."It was only--only a little while after you married me that I found it out.I guessed it--women do guess such things--long before you realized it yourself.You ought to have married her instead of me.You would have been happier with her."I did not answer.
"I,too,have thought a great deal,"she went on,after a moment."Ibegan earlier than you,I had to."I looked up suddenly and saw her smiling at me,faintly,through her tears."But I've been thinking more,and learning more since I've been over here.I've come to see that that our failure hasn't been as much your fault as I once thought,as much as you yourself declare.You have done me a wrong,and you've done the children a wrong.Oh,it is frightful to think how little I knew when Imarried you,but even then I felt instinctively that you didn't love me as I deserved to be loved.And when we came back from Europe I knew that I couldn't satisfy you,I couldn't look upon life as you saw it,no matter how hard I tried.I did try,but it wasn't any use.You'll never know how much I've suffered all these years.
"I have been happier here,away from you,with the children;I've had a chance to be myself.It isn't that I'm--much.It isn't that I don't need guidance and counsel and--sympathy.I've missed those,but you've never given them to me,and I've been learning more and more to do without them.I don't know why marriage should suddenly have become such a mockery and failure in our time,but I know that it is,that ours hasn't been such an exception as I once thought.I've come to believe that divorce is often justified.""It is justified so far as you are concerned,Maude,"I replied.
"It is not justified for me.I have forfeited,as I say,any rights over you.I have been the aggressor and transgressor from the start.You have been a good wife and a good mother,you have been faithful,I have had absolutely nothing to complain of.""Sometimes I think I might have tried harder,"she said."At least Imight have understood better.I was stupid.But everything went wrong.
And I saw you growing away from me all the time,Hugh,growing away from the friends who were fond of you,as though you were fading in the distance.It wasn't wholly because--because of Nancy that I left you.
That gave me an excuse--an excuse for myself.Long before that Irealized my helplessness,I knew that whatever I might have done was past doing.""Yes,I know,,"I assented.
We sat in silence for a while.The train was skirting an ancient town set on a hill,crowned with a castle and a Gothic church whose windows were afire in the setting sun.
