I begged her to tell me her troubles,saying that it would take her longer to tell them than for me to take care of them.Still crying,and with a maidenly blush,she told me that the favor I could do for her (and she prayed that I would do it)was to go with her to Madrid where,according to what people had told her,the man was staying who had not only dishonored her but had taken all her jewelry without fulfilling his promise to marry her.She said that if I would do this for her,she would do for me what a grateful woman should.I consoled her as best I could,raising her hopes by telling her that if her enemy were to be found anywhere in this world,she would be avenged.
"Well,to make a long story short,we went straight to the capital,and I paid her expenses all the way.The lady knew exactly where she was going,and she led me to a regiment of soldiers who gave her an enthusiastic welcome and took her to the captain,and there she signed up as a 'nurse'for the men.Then she turned to me,and with a brazen look said,'All right,fathead.Now push off!'When I saw that she had tricked me,I flew into a rage,and I told her that if she were a man instead of a woman I would tear her heart out by the roots.One of the soldiers standing there came up and thumbed his nose at me,but he didn't dare to strike me because if he had they would have had to bury him on the spot.
'When I saw how badly that business was turning out,I left without saying another word,but I walked out a little faster than usual to see if any brawny soldier was going to follow me so that I could kill him.Because if I had fought that first little soldier boy and killed him (which I would have done,without any doubt),what honor or glory would there have been in it for me?But if the captain or some bully had come out,I would have sliced more holes in them than there are grains of sand in the sea.When I saw that none of them dared to follow me,I left,very pleased with myself.I looked around for work,and since I couldn't find any good enough for a man of my station,here I am like this.It is true that I could have been a valet or an escort to five or six seamstresses,but I would starve to death before I'd take a job like that."
My good master finished by telling me that,since he hadn't been able to find any merchants from his home town to lend him money,he was penniless,and he didn't know where he was going to spend the night.I caught his hint and offered to let him share my bed and my supper.He called my hand.When we were ready to go to sleep,I told him to take his clothes off the bed because it was too small for so many varmints.The next morning,wanting to get up without making any noise,I reached for my clothes--in vain.The traitor had taken them and vanished.I lay in bed,thinking I was going to die from pure misery.And it might have been better if I had died because I could have avoided all those times I was in agony later.
I started shouting,"Thief!Thief!"The people in the house came up and found me naked as a jaybird,looking in every corner of the room for something to cover myself with.They all laughed like fools,while I was swearing like a mule driver.I damned to hell that thieving bragger who had kept me up half the night telling about all the splendor of himself and his ancestors.The remedy that I took (since no one was giving me any)was to see if I could use that hot-air merchant's clothes until God furnished me with some others.But they were a labyrinth,with no beginning or end to them.There was no difference between the pants and the jacket.I put my legs in the sleeves and used the pants as a coat,and I didn't forget the stockings:they looked more like a court clerk's sleeves--loose enough to put his bribes in.The shoes were like fetters around my ankles:they didn't have any soles.I pulled the hat down over my head,putting the bottom side up so it wouldn't be so grimy.I won't say a word about the insects running all over me--either the crawling infantry or the galloping cavalry.
In this shape I went to see my master,since he had sent for me.He was astonished to see the scarecrow that walked in,and he laughed so hard his rear tether let loose,and--royal flush.Out of respect for him,I think we should pass over that in silence.After a thousand unsuccessful attempts to talk,he asked me why I was wearing a disguise.I told him,and the result was that instead of pitying me,he swore at me and threw me out of his house.He said that just as I had let that man come in and sleep in my bed,one day I would let someone else in,and they would rob him.
