Your eldest son, Fitz-Heehaw, is sure of a place in Parliament; your younger sons, the De Brays, will kindly condescend to be post-captains and lieutenants-colonels, and to represent us in foreign courts or to take a good living when it falls convenient.These prizes our admirable Constitution (the pride and envy of, &c.)pronounces to be your due: without count of your dulness, your vices, your selfishness; or your entire incapacity and folly.Dull as you may be (and we have as good a right to assume that my lord is an ass, as the other proposition, that he is an enlightened patriot);--dull, Isay, as you may be, no one will accuse you of such monstrous folly, as to suppose that you are indifferent to the good luck which you possess, or have any inclination to part with it.No--and patriots as we are, under happier circumstances, Smith and I, I have no doubt, were we dukes ourselves, would stand by our order.
We would submit good-naturedly to sit in a high place.
We would acquiesce in that admirable Constitution (pride and envy of, &c.) which made us chiefs and the world our inferiors; we would not cavil particularly at that notion of hereditary superiority which brought many simple people cringing to our knees.May be we would rally round the Corn-Laws; we would make a stand against the Reform Bill; we would die rather than repeal the Acts against Catholics and Dissenters; we would, by our noble system of class-legislation, bring Ireland to its present admirable condition.
But Smith and I are not Earls as yet.'We don't believe that it is for the interest of Smith's army that De Bray should be a Colonel at five-and-twenty, of Smith's diplomatic relations that Lord Longears should go Ambassador to Constantinople,--of our politics, that Longears should put his hereditary foot into them.
This bowing and cringing Smith believes to be the act of Snobs; and he will do all in his might and main to be a Snob and to submit to Snobs no longer.To Longears he says, 'We can't help seeing, Longears, that we are as good as you.We can spell even better; can think quite as rightly; we will not have you for our master, or black your shoes any more.Your footmen do it, but they are paid; and the fellow who comes to get a list of the company when you give a banquet or a dancing breakfast at Longueoreille House, gets money from the newspapers for performing that service.But for us, thank you for nothing, Longears my boy, and we don't wish to pay you any more than we owe.We will take off our hats to Wellington because he is Wellington; but to you--who are you?"I am sick of COURT CIRCULARS.I loathe HAUT-TONintelligence.I believe such words as Fashionable, Exclusive, Aristocratic, and the like, to be wicked, unchristian epithets, that ought to be banished from honest vocabularies.A Court system that sends men of genius to the second table, I hold to be a Snobbish system.A society that sets up to be polite, and ignores Arts and Letters, I hold to be a Snobbish society.You, who despise your neighbour, are a Snob; you, who forget your own friends, meanly to follow after those of a higher degree, are a Snob; you, who are ashamed of your poverty, and blush for your calling, are a Snob; as are you who boast of your pedigree, or are proud of your wealth.
To laugh at such is MR.PUNCH'S business.May he laugh honestly, hit no foul blow, and tell the truth when at his very broadest grin--never forgetting that if Fun is good, Truth is still better, and Love best of all.
End
