"And you will understand that there are details of which no fellow could speak.--I had known her several years in a friendly way, just staying at the same houses, and meeting at Lord's and Henley and all the places where those in the same set do meet.I always liked her, and always felt at my best with her, and thought no end of her opinion, and so forth.She was a friend and a real chum to me, and to lots of other fellows.But one never thought of love-making in connection with her.All the silly things one says to ordinary women she would have laughed at.If one had sent her flowers to wear, she would have put them in a vase and wondered for whom they had really been intended.She danced well, and rode straight; but the man she danced with had to be awfully good at it, or he found himself being guided through the giddy maze; and the man who wanted to be in the same field with her, must be prepared for any fence or any wall.Not that I ever saw her in the hunting-field; her love of life and of fair play would have kept her out of that.But I use it as a descriptive illustration.One was always glad to meet her in a house party, though one could not have explained why.It is quite impossible to describe her.She was just--well, just--"The doctor saw "just Jane" trembling on Garth's lips, and knew how inadequate was every adjective to express this name.He did not want the flood of Garth's confidences checked, so he supplied the needed words.
"Just a good sort.Yes, I quite understand.Well?""I had had my infatuations, plenty of them," went on the eager young voice."The one thing I thought of in women was their exteriors.
Beauty of all kinds--of any kind--crazed me for the moment.I never wanted to marry them, but I always wanted to paint them.Their mothers, and aunts, and other old dowagers in the house parties used to think I meant marriage, but the girls themselves knew better.Idon't believe a girl now walks this earth who would accuse me of flirting.I admired their beauty, and they knew it, and they knew that was all my admiration meant.It was a pleasant experience at the time, and, in several instances, helped forward good marriages later on.Pauline Lister was apportioned to me for two whole seasons, but she eventually married the man on whose jolly old staircase I painted her.Why didn't I come a cropper over any of them? Because there were too many, I suppose.Also, the attraction was skin-deep.I don't mind telling you quite frankly: the only one whose beauty used to cause me a real pang was Lady Brand.But when Ihad painted it and shown it to the world in its perfection, I was content.I asked no more of any woman than to paint her, and find her paintable.I could not explain this to the husbands and mothers and chaperons, but the women themselves understood it well enough;and as I sit here in my darkness not a memory rises up to reproach me.""Good boy," said Deryck Brand, laughing."You were vastly misunderstood, but I believe you.""You see," resumed Garth, "that sort of thing being merely skin-deep, I went no deeper.The only women I really knew were my mother, who died when I was nineteen, and Margery Graem, whom I always hugged at meeting and parting, and always shall hug until I kiss the old face in its coffin, or she straightens me in mine.Those ties of one's infancy and boyhood are among the closest and most sacred life can show.Well, so things were until a certain evening in June several years ago.She--the One Woman--and I were in the same house party at a lovely old place in the country.One afternoon we had been talking intimately, but quite casually and frankly.I had no more thought of wanting to marry her than of proposing to old Margery.Then--something happened,--I must not tell you what; it would give too clear a clue to her identity.But it revealed to me, in a few marvellous moments, the woman in her; the wife, the mother;the strength, the tenderness; the exquisite perfection of her true, pure soul.In five minutes there awakened in me a hunger for her which nothing could still, which nothing ever will still, until Istand beside her in the Golden City, where they shall hunger no more, neither thirst any more; and there shall be no more darkness, or depending upon sun, moon, or candle, for the glory of God shall lighten it; and there shall be no more sorrow, neither shall there be any more pain, for former things shall have passed away."The blind face shone in the firelight.Garth's retrospection was bringing him visions of things to come.
The doctor sat quite still and watched the vision fade.Then he said: "Well?""Well," continued the young voice in the shadow, with a sound in it of having dropped back to earth and finding it a mournful place; "Inever had a moment's doubt as to what had happened to me.I knew Iloved her; I knew I wanted her; I knew her presence made my day and her absence meant chill night; and every day was radiant, for she was there."Garth paused for breath and to enjoy a moment of silent retrospection.
The doctor's voice broke in with a question, clear, incisive."Was she a pretty woman; handsome, beautiful?""A pretty woman?" repeated Garth, amazed: "Good heavens, no!
Handsome? Beautiful? Well you have me there, for, 'pon my honour, Idon't know."
"I mean, would you have wished to paint her?" "I HAVE painted her,"said Garth very low, a moving tenderness in his voice; "and my two paintings of her, though done in sadness and done from memory, are the most beautiful work I ever produced.No eye but my own has ever seen them, and now none ever will see them, excepting those of one whom I must perforce trust to find them for me, and bring them to me for destruction.""And that will be--?" queried the doctor.
"Nurse Rosemary Gray," said Garth.
The doctor kicked the pine log, and the flames darted up merrily.
