'Take away, James,' said Mrs. Tibbs, as Tibbs swallowed the fourth mouthful - and away went the plates like lightning.
'I'll take a bit of bread, James,' said the poor 'master of the house,' more hungry than ever.
'Never mind your master now, James,' said Mrs. Tibbs, 'see about the meat.' This was conveyed in the tone in which ladies usually give admonitions to servants in company, that is to say, a low one;but which, like a stage whisper, from its peculiar emphasis, is most distinctly heard by everybody present.
A pause ensued, before the table was replenished - a sort of parenthesis in which Mr. Simpson, Mr. Calton, and Mr. Hicks, produced respectively a bottle of sauterne, bucellas, and sherry, and took wine with everybody - except Tibbs. No one ever thought of him.
Between the fish and an intimated sirloin, there was a prolonged interval.
Here was an opportunity for Mr. Hicks. He could not resist the singularly appropriate quotation -'But beef is rare within these oxless isles;Goats' flesh there is, no doubt, and kid, and mutton, And when a holiday upon them smiles, A joint upon their barbarous spits they put on.'
'Very ungentlemanly behaviour,' thought little Mrs. Tibbs, 'to talk in that way.'
'Ah,' said Mr. Calton, filling his glass. 'Tom Moore is my poet.'
'And mine,' said Mrs. Maplesone.
'And mine,' said Miss Julia.
'And mine,' added Mr. Simpson.
'Look at his compositions,' resumed the knocker.
'To be sure,' said Simpson, with confidence.
'Look at Don Juan,' replied Mr. Septimus Hicks.
'Julia's letter,' suggested Miss Matilda.
'Can anything be grander than the Fire Worshippers?' inquired Miss Julia.
'To be sure,' said Simpson.
'Or Paradise and the Peri,' said the old beau.
'Yes; or Paradise and the Peer,' repeated Simpson, who thought he was getting through it capitally.
'It's all very well,' replied Mr. Septimus Hicks, who, as we have before hinted, never had read anything but Don Juan. 'Where will you find anything finer than the description of the siege, at the commencement of the seventh canto?'
'Talking of a siege,' said Tibbs, with a mouthful of bread - 'when I was in the volunteer corps, in eighteen hundred and six, our commanding officer was Sir Charles Rampart; and one day, when we were exercising on the ground on which the London University now stands, he says, says he, Tibbs (calling me from the ranks), Tibbs - '
'Tell your master, James,' interrupted Mrs. Tibbs, in an awfully distinct tone, 'tell your master if he WON'T carve those fowls, to send them to me.' The discomfited volunteer instantly set to work, and carved the fowls almost as expeditiously as his wife operated on the haunch of mutton. Whether he ever finished the story is not known but, if he did, nobody heard it.
As the ice was now broken, and the new inmates more at home, every member of the company felt more at ease. Tibbs himself most certainly did, because he went to sleep immediately after dinner.
Mr. Hicks and the ladies discoursed most eloquently about poetry, and the theatres, and Lord Chesterfield's Letters; and Mr. Calton followed up what everybody said, with continuous double knocks.
Mrs. Tibbs highly approved of every observation that fell from Mrs.
Maplesone; and as Mr. Simpson sat with a smile upon his face and said 'Yes,' or 'Certainly,' at intervals of about four minutes each, he received full credit for understanding what was going forward. The gentlemen rejoined the ladies in the drawing-room very shortly after they had left the dining-parlour. Mrs.
Maplesone and Mr. Calton played cribbage, and the 'young people'
amused themselves with music and conversation. The Miss Maplesones sang the most fascinating duets, and accompanied themselves on guitars, ornamented with bits of ethereal blue ribbon. Mr. Simpson put on a pink waistcoat, and said he was in raptures; and Mr. Hicks felt in the seventh heaven of poetry or the seventh canto of Don Juan - it was the same thing to him. Mrs. Tibbs was quite charmed with the newcomers; and Mr. Tibbs spent the evening in his usual way - he went to sleep, and woke up, and went to sleep again, and woke at supper-time.
* * * * *
We are not about to adopt the licence of novel-writers, and to let 'years roll on;' but we will take the liberty of requesting the reader to suppose that six months have elapsed, since the dinner we have described, and that Mrs. Tibbs's boarders have, during that period, sang, and danced, and gone to theatres and exhibitions, together, as ladies and gentlemen, wherever they board, often do.
And we will beg them, the period we have mentioned having elapsed, to imagine farther, that Mr. Septimus Hicks received, in his own bedroom (a front attic), at an early hour one morning, a note from Mr. Calton, requesting the favour of seeing him, as soon as convenient to himself, in his (Calton's) dressing-room on the second-floor back.
'Tell Mr. Calton I'll come down directly,' said Mr. Septimus to the boy. 'Stop - is Mr. Calton unwell?' inquired this excited walker of hospitals, as he put on a bed-furniture-looking dressing-gown.
'Not as I knows on, sir,' replied the boy. ' Please, sir, he looked rather rum, as it might be.'
'Ah, that's no proof of his being ill,' returned Hicks, unconsciously. 'Very well: I'll be down directly.' Downstairs ran the boy with the message, and down went the excited Hicks himself, almost as soon as the message was delivered. 'Tap, tap.'
'Come in.' - Door opens, and discovers Mr. Calton sitting in an easy chair. Mutual shakes of the hand exchanged, and Mr. Septimus Hicks motioned to a seat. A short pause. Mr. Hicks coughed, and Mr. Calton took a pinch of snuff. It was one of those interviews where neither party knows what to say. Mr. Septimus Hicks broke silence.
'I received a note - ' he said, very tremulously, in a voice like a Punch with a cold.
'Yes,' returned the other, 'you did.'
'Exactly.'
'Yes.'
