登陆注册
4916000000368

第368章

By the Queen of the Chitterlings, quoth Panurge, all the hieroglyphics of Egypt are mine a-- to this jargon. Why! here are a parcel of words full as analogous as chalk and cheese, or a cat and a cart-wheel! But why, prithee, dear Double-fee, do they call these worshipful dons of yours ignorant fellows? Only, said Double-fee, because they neither are, nor ought to be, clerks, and all must be ignorant as to what they transact here; nor is there to be any other reason given, but, The court hath said it; The court will have it so; The court has decreed it. Cop's body, quoth Pantagruel, they might full as well have called 'em necessity; for necessity has no law.

From thence, as he was leading us to see a thousand little puny presses, we spied another paltry bar, about which sat four are five ignorant waspish churls, of so testy, fuming a temper, (like an ass with squibs and crackers tied to its tail,) and so ready to take pepper in the nose for yea and nay, that a dog would not have lived with 'em. They were hard at it with the lees and dregs of the grapes, which they gripped over and over again, might and main, with their clenched fists. They were called contractors in the language of the country. These are the ugliest, misshapen, grim-looking scrubs, said Friar John, that ever were beheld, with or without spectacles.

Then we passed by an infinite number of little pimping wine-presses all full of vintage-mongers, who were picking, examining, and raking the grapes with some instruments called bills-of-charge.

Finally we came into a hall downstairs, where we saw an overgrown cursed mangy cur with a pair of heads, a wolf's belly, and claws like the devil of hell. The son of a bitch was fed with costs, for he lived on a multiplicity of fine amonds and amerciaments by order of their worships, to each of whom the monster was worth more than the best farm in the land. In their tongue of ignorance they called him Twofold. His dam lay by him, and her hair and shape was like her whelp's, only she had four heads, two male and two female, and her name was Fourfold. She was certainly the most cursed and dangerous creature of the place, except her grandam, which we saw, and had been kept locked up in a dungeon time out of mind, and her name was Refusing-of-fees.

Friar John, who had always twenty yards of gut ready empty to swallow a gallimaufry of lawyers, began to be somewhat out of humour, and desired Pantagruel to remember he had not dined, and bring Double-fee along with him. So away we went, and as we marched out at the back-gate whom should we meet but an old piece of mortality in chains. He was half ignorant and half learned, like an hermaphrodite of Satan. The fellow was all caparisoned with spectacles as a tortoise is with shells, and lived on nothing but a sort of food which, in their gibberish, was called appeals.

Pantagruel asked Double-fee of what breed was that prothonotary, and what name they gave him. Double-fee told us that time out of mind he had been kept there in chains, to the great grief of their worships, who starved him, and his name was Review. By the pope's sanctified two-pounders, cried Friar John, I do not much wonder at the meagre cheer which this old chuff finds among their worships. Do but look a little on the weather-beaten scratch-toby, friend Panurge; by the sacred tip of my cowl, I'll lay five pounds to a hazel-nut the foul thief has the very looks of Gripe-me-now.

These same fellows here, ignorant as they be, are as sharp and knowing as other folk. But were it my case, I would send him packing with a squib in his breech like a rogue as he is. By my oriental barnacles, quoth Panurge, honest friar, thou art in the right; for if we but examine that treacherous Review's ill-favoured phiz, we find that the filthy snudge is yet more mischievous and ignorant than these ignorant wretches here, since they (honest dunces) grapple and glean with as little harm and pother as they can, without any long fiddle-cum-farts or tantalizing in the case; nor do they dally and demur in your suit, but in two or three words, whip-stitch, in a trice, they finish the vintage of the close, bating you all these damned tedious interlocutories, examinations, and appointments which fret to the heart's blood your furred law-cats.

同类推荐
  • 郁迦罗越问菩萨行经

    郁迦罗越问菩萨行经

    本书为公版书,为不受著作权法限制的作家、艺术家及其它人士发布的作品,供广大读者阅读交流。汇聚授权电子版权。
  • 醉春风

    醉春风

    本书为公版书,为不受著作权法限制的作家、艺术家及其它人士发布的作品,供广大读者阅读交流。汇聚授权电子版权。
  • 重阳分梨十化集

    重阳分梨十化集

    本书为公版书,为不受著作权法限制的作家、艺术家及其它人士发布的作品,供广大读者阅读交流。汇聚授权电子版权。
  • 秋池

    秋池

    本书为公版书,为不受著作权法限制的作家、艺术家及其它人士发布的作品,供广大读者阅读交流。汇聚授权电子版权。
  • 北斗七星念诵仪轨

    北斗七星念诵仪轨

    本书为公版书,为不受著作权法限制的作家、艺术家及其它人士发布的作品,供广大读者阅读交流。汇聚授权电子版权。
热门推荐
  • 悬在半空中的天堂

    悬在半空中的天堂

    本书记录了北大女生四年大学丰富的经历,她所接触的世界、所接触的人物、所遭遇的事件,有每个大学生共同的经历,同时,作为最高学府北大的学生,又有她特殊的经历。故事情节精彩纷呈、人物性格各具特色:世事看透的学长,为何放荡不羁?诗人般情怀、但神经质的清华自动化雪莱,为何四年荒寂于清华园?单纯简单的剑桥交流生丁强,又会有怎样的情感遭遇?文坛黑马,为何写出满纸宁静?北大高干高枫身患癌症,相恋多年的女友会做出怎样的抉择?大四,工作、读研、出国,他们又该何去何从?
  • 女孩的心思啊你别猜

    女孩的心思啊你别猜

    想谈恋爱吗?可笑,loveiswar!!!只有体验过的人才知道泡妞就是修罗场。
  • 缭歌一曲天下乱

    缭歌一曲天下乱

    她一生三嫁,每一嫁都是命运流转。心碎,磨难,离乱,刻骨算计,剪不断理还乱的情丝纠缠,从多情女子步步蜕变为铁腕太后。一生,她心中浮现三人。他是文武双全,英勇俊朗,为她遮蔽风雨的义兄,却终因她失去所有,一生放逐。他说,可惜,我们有缘无份。他是丰神俊秀,儒雅无双,是她魂牵梦绕的最爱,却终把她送到别人的怀抱,一生遗恨。他说,可惜,江山美人不可兼得。他是潇洒俊逸,心计悠然,让她心底相怜的主公,却终使她决绝忘情的毒药,一生无望。他说,可惜,只能把你永远记在心上。天下丧,烽烟起,缭歌乱。一曲盛山江山梦,断送凋零一世情。权力之巅,吾谁与归?
  • The Perfect Wagnerite

    The Perfect Wagnerite

    本书为公版书,为不受著作权法限制的作家、艺术家及其它人士发布的作品,供广大读者阅读交流。汇聚授权电子版权。
  • 火凤冲冲冲

    火凤冲冲冲

    当你穿越到异世界,却发现自己变成了一只异生物是种什么样的感受?当你悲催的看到这个世界没过多久就濒临毁灭又是种什么感受?坦然接受还是奋起挣扎,这是一个关于抉择和成长的故事。然而不管如何,心情最重要,前往最欢乐,最让自己满意的道路吧。小火凤,冲丫~
  • 前妻婚宠:总裁,偏偏爱

    前妻婚宠:总裁,偏偏爱

    前夫订婚,沈琦雅大方来送祝福,醉酒竟稀里糊涂和一个男人做了那事。纳尼?萧煜诚,她的前夫,她主动爬上他的床。那个翻手为云覆手为雨冷酷无情睡了人家还污蔑她不是第一次超级没品腹黑男。“你要负责?”萧煜诚强势的压迫在她的面前。逼她?“不要。”沈琦雅转身逃走,让她重新跳入火坑,除非脑袋被驴踢了。萧煜诚看着她逃跑的背影,凤眸微眯,淡定从容的开口,“你跑不掉的。”“…………”
  • 重生西游之金蝉圣僧

    重生西游之金蝉圣僧

    本书又名《为何渡我不渡她》修仙觅长生,热血任逍遥;踏莲曳波涤剑骨,凭虚御风塑圣魂!人生几何?譬如朝露。唐曾重生在西游,为了回到现代而长生。经历了无数岁月后,他醒了。
  • 回到1997做偶像

    回到1997做偶像

    君生吾未生,吾生君已老。乐兮四岁开始喜欢的偶像比她大了整整24岁。在她大学那一年,偶像忽然在家中自杀。当全世界都认定偶像是死于抑郁症发的时候,只有乐兮坚信其中必有蹊跷。念念不忘,必有回响。发誓要查清偶像死亡真正原因的乐兮机缘巧合的穿越回了20年前的1997。成为大明星、玩转娱乐圈。追求偶像、发现惊天秘密!乐兮能否救下偶像,得到甜蜜爱情呢?
  • 哪里是天堂

    哪里是天堂

    罗伟章, 1967年生于四川宣汉县,毕业于重庆师范大学中文系、上海作家研究生班。曾获人民文学奖、小说选刊奖、中篇小说选刊奖、小说月报百花奖、四川文学奖等,巴金文学院签约作家,被有关专家称为“活跃的同辈当中分量最重、最突出、最值得关注的作家之一”。中国作家协会会员,现居成都。
  • 追妻无门:女boss不好惹

    追妻无门:女boss不好惹

    青涩蜕变,如今她是能独当一面的女boss,爱了冷泽聿七年,也同样花了七年时间去忘记他。以为是陌路,他突然向他表白,扬言要娶她,她只当他是脑子抽风,他的殷勤她也全都无视。他帮她查她父母的死因,赶走身边情敌,解释当初拒绝她的告别,和故意对她冷漠都是无奈之举。突然爆出她父母的死居然和冷家有丝毫联系,还莫名跳出个公爵未婚夫,扬言要与她履行婚约。峰回路转,破镜还能重圆吗? PS:我又开新文了,每逢假期必书荒,新文《有你的世界遇到爱》,喜欢我的文的朋友可以来看看,这是重生类现言,对这个题材感兴趣的一定要收藏起来。