Anonymous
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儿子，我并不是不爱你，我只是对你抱有太多的期望，一直以来我都在用自己这个年龄的标准来衡量你。
但从明天起，我要做一个真正的父亲！我将与你成为亲密的朋友。
你难过时我会痛苦，你高兴时我也会开怀大笑。
我会每天告诉自己：“他只不过是一个孩子——一个小男孩而已。”
Listen，son：I am saying this as you lie asleep，one little paw crumpled under your cheek and the blond curls stickily wet on your damp forehead.I have stolen into your room alone.Just a few minutes ago，as I sat reading my paper in the library，a stifling1 wave of remorse2 swept over me.Guiltily I came to your bedside.
These are the things I was thinking，son：I had been cross to you.I scolded you as you were dressing for school because you gave your face merely a dab3 with a towel.I took you to task for not cleaning your shoes.I called out angrily when you threw some of your things on the floor.
At breakfast I found fault，too.You spilled things.You gulped4 down your food.You put your elbows on the table.You spread butter too thick on your bread.And as you started off to play and I made for my train，you turned and waved a hand and called，'Good-bye，Daddy！'and I frowned，and said in reply，'Hold your shoulders back.'
Then it began all over again in the late afternoon.As I came up the road I spied you，down on your knees，playing marbles.There were holes in your stockings.I humiliated5 you before your boy friends by marching you ahead of me to the house.Stockings were expensive and if you had to buy them you would be more careful！Imagine that，son，from a father！
Do you remember，later，when I was reading in the library，you came in，timidly，with a sort of hurt look in your eyes.When I glanced up over my paper，impatient at the interruption，you hesitated at the door.'What is it you want？'I snapped6.
You said nothing，but ran across in one tempestuous7 plunge，and threw your arms around my neck and kissed me，and your small arms tightened with an affection that God had set blooming in your heart and which even was neglected could not wither.And then you were gone，pattering up the stairs.
Well，son，it was shortly afterward that my paper slipped from my hands and a terrible sickening fear came over me.What has habit been doing to me？The habit of finding fault，of reprimanding8，this was my reward to you for being a boy.It was not that I did not love you；it was that I expected too much of you.It was measuring you by the yardstick of my own years.
And there was so much that was good，fine and true in your character.The little heart of you was as big as the dawn itself over the wide hills.This was shown by your spontaneous impulse to rush in and kiss me good night.Nothing else matters tonight，son.I have come to your bedside in the darkness，and I have knelt there，ashamed！
It is a feeble atonement9.I know you would not understand these things if I tell them to you during your waking hours.But tomorrow I will be a real daddy！I will chum with you，and suffer when you suffer，and laugh when you laugh.I will bite my tongue when impatient words come.I will keep saying as if it is a ritual：'He is nothing but a boy—a little boy！'I am afraid I have visualized you as a man.Yet as I see you now，son，crumpled and weary in your cot，I see that you are still a baby.Yesterday you were in your mother's arms，your head on her shoulder.I have asked too much，too much.
听我说，儿子：我说这些话的时候你已经睡下了，一只小手窝在脸蛋儿下边，金色的头发卷曲地贴在你湿乎乎的额头上。我自己一个人悄悄地走进你的房间。就在几分钟前，我还坐在书房里阅读文件，突然一阵懊悔席卷而来，压得我喘不过气来。终于，带着满怀的内疚，我来到你的床边。
儿子，我这会儿想起了很多事，我常常对你发脾气：当你穿戴整齐准备去上学的时候，我埋怨你只用毛巾胡乱擦了把脸；然后我责骂你不擦鞋子；看到你往地板上乱扔东西时，我冲你发火了。
吃早餐时我也挑剔你的错误。我常骂你打翻东西，吃饭不细嚼慢咽；你把胳膊肘放在饭桌上；你在面包上涂的黄油太厚了。当你开始玩耍而我正准备工作的时候，你转过身来冲我挥挥手，叫道：“再见，爸爸！”我却对此紧皱双眉，对你说：“你给我把手放下。”
傍晚的时候情况也是一样。我在路上走着，看到你正跪在地上玩弹球，长袜上磨破了好几个洞。我赶你回家并当着其他小朋友的面责骂了你。要知道长袜是很贵的，你既然要穿就得爱惜点！儿子啊，这话竟然出自一个父亲之口！
还记得吗？就在刚才，我在书房里阅读文件，你怯生生地走过来，眼睛里显现出一丝惊惶的神色。我扫视着文件，被你一打扰，觉得很是不耐烦，而你站在门口踌躇不前。我呵斥道：“你到底想干什么？”
你没有说话，突然间飞奔过来，双手搂住我的脖子亲吻我。你瘦小的臂弯里却藏满了深情，那是上帝开在你心田里的爱之花，即使被忽视了也不曾凋谢。吻过我你就离开了，迈着细碎的小步子叭哒叭哒地跑上了楼。
是的，儿子，就在那一刻，文件从我的手中滑落，随即令人昏厥的恐惧之感向我袭来。坏习惯让我做了什么？习惯性的挑剔错误和呵斥，这就是我对你——一个小男孩的奖赏。儿子，我并不是不爱你，我只是对你抱有太多的期望，一直以来我都在用自己这个年龄的标准来衡量你。
你的性格里有那么多美好而真实的东西。小小的心胸却像弥漫在群山中间的拂晓那般广阔，因为你是如此自然地冲进来吻我，跟我道晚安。今晚其它一切都不再重要，儿子，黑暗中我来到你的床边，跪在这里，羞愧难当！
这是无力的忏悔。我知道在你醒着时对你说这些，你也未必理解我所说的一切。但从明天起，我要做一个真正的父亲！我将与你成为亲密的朋友。你难过时我会痛苦，你高兴时我也会开怀大笑。若是不耐烦的话到了嘴边，我也会努力忍住不说出来。我会每天告诉自己：“他只不过是一个孩子——一个小男孩而已。”我实在不该把你当成个大人来对待。现在我看着你，疲倦地蜷缩在小床里，仍然是个小婴儿的模样。昨天你还躺在妈妈的臂弯里，脑袋靠在她的肩上。我对你要求的太多，太多了。
生词空间 New Words
1.stifling adj.令人窒息的
2.remorse n.痛恨，悔恨，自责
3.dab n.轻触，轻按
4.gulp v.吞咽
5.humiliate v.使蒙羞，羞辱，使丢脸
6.snap v .厉声说，不耐烦地说
7.tempestuous adj.剧烈的
8.reprimand v.训斥，斥责
9.atonement n.赎罪，弥补
妙语连珠：Beautiful Sentences
1）A stifling wave of remorse swept over me.
突然一阵懊悔席卷而来，压得我喘不过气来。
2）Your small arms tightened with an affection that God had set blooming in your heart and which even neglect could not wither.
你瘦小的臂弯里却藏满了深情，那是上帝开在你心田里的爱之花，即使被忽视了也不曾凋谢。
3）The little heart of you was as big as the dawn itself over the wide hills.
小小的心胸却像弥漫在群山中间的拂晓那般广阔。
心灵感悟：
当这位父亲走到熟睡的孩子身边时，他的心情是沉重的、负疚的。他后悔不应以大人的标准来衡量、批评孩子。但是，即便做父亲的没有给孩子应有的关爱，他心田里上帝赐予的炽热的爱父之心却丝毫没有因此而减弱。
