Remember that there is a local propriety to be observed in all companies； and that what is extremely proper in one company may be， and often is， highly improper in another. The jokes， the bonmots， the little adventures， which may do very well in one company， will seem flat and tedious， when related in another. The particular characters， the habit， the cant of one company may give merit to a word， or a gesture， which would have none at all if divested of those accidental circumstances. Here people very commonly err； and fond of something that has entertained them in one company， and in certain circumstances， repeat it with emphasis inanother， where it is either insipid， or， it may be， offensive， by being ill timed or misplaced. Nay， they often do it with this silly preamble：“I will tell you an excellent thing，”or“I will tell you the best thing in the world.” This raises expectations， which， when absolutely disappointed， make the relaror of this excellent thing look， very deservedly， like a fool.
If you would particularly gain the affection and friendship of particular people， whether men or women， endeavor to find out their predominant Excellency， if they have one， and their prevailing weakness， which everybody has； and do justice to the one， and something more than justice to the other. Men have various objects in which they may excel， or at least would be thought to excel； and， though they love to hear justice done to them， where they know that they excel， yet they are most and best flattered upon those points where they wish to excel， and yet are doubtful whether they do or not.
沟通的方式有千万种，努力让你的那种变得和谐、高效。
参考翻译（佚名）
亲爱的孩子：取悦他人是一门十分必需却又极难习得的艺术。很难将其归纳出可以借鉴的法则，因此凭你自身的判断和观察的收获，将会比我能教授予你的要来得多。’己所不欲勿施于人‘是我所知取悦于人的最佳途径。细心留意别人是怎么做到让你感到愉快的，很有可能你做同样的事也会让别人感到愉快。如果别人对你彬彬有礼，对你的幽默之处，你的品位，抑或你的不足之处十分关注，注意了，同样的道理，你这么做也会让他人备感愉快。
你与同伴相处时注意要顺应当时的氛围，不要过度发挥；发现同伴的幽默之处时，应真诚，爽朗一笑，甚至调侃一番；对团体中的每个人都予以关注，这是你应该具备的态度。与人相处时，不要讨论别人是非，没有什么比这更加让人不快，更能让人心生厌恶的了；如果碰巧你知道一个很简短的故事，跟当前的话题十分切合，那么尽可能言简意赅地把这个故事讲完；即使这样，你也要表示出，你这么做并不是因为热衷于它，仅仅是因为故事很简短，讲出来比较自然比较应景而已。
你在对话时，切记不能以自我为中心，绝对不要试图通过谈论自己关注的东西或你的私事来取悦大家；尽管你对那些内容很感兴趣，但对其他人而言，他们可能就了无生趣，毫不相干了；除此之外，也不要对自己的事情过于缄口不言。不管你觉得自身有多优秀，不要在同伴面前刻意显摆；也不要像有些人，千方百计在谈话时引导各种话题，趁机展现自己的优点。如果你真的优秀，别人肯定会发现，不需要你自己指出，何况这么做确实更为恰当。当你跟同伴意见不合时，千万不要激动地与人大声争执，尽管你认为自己正确或者你知道自己正确。说服别人的唯一方法就是把你的观点谦虚冷静地讲出来，万一不奏效，你可以通过轻快的口气来提议你们换个话题，比如这么说：“我们估计也没办法说服对方了，再说我们也不是非得这么做，不如说点儿别的吧。”
你要记住，不管什么场合下都要保持最基本的礼节，在某些场合下显得得体的礼节，往往到另外的场合中会变得格外不合时宜。玩笑、妙语，甚至一些出格的语句，也许会在一种场合起到非常好的效果，但是搬到另外一种场合中就可能显得枯燥无聊。一个简单的词儿或是手势在特定场合下会传达出某种性格、或者习惯和隐语，而一旦脱离那种场合，就会变得毫无意义，人们常常在这一点上犯错。他们喜欢把在某个场合中的得意言行进行夸大后，搬到其他场合继续使用，而此时就会显得平淡无味，不合时宜，驴唇不对马嘴。是的，他们常用这样笨拙的开场白：“告诉你件超级酷炫的事！”或者“告诉你件全世界最好的事……”这些话勾起了对方的期待值，但最后都让人极度失望，让说这些话的人看起来像个十足的傻瓜。
如果你想获取某个特别的人的特殊感情或友谊，不论是男是女，请努力找出他们所拥有的最突出的美德，如果他们的确拥有的话；并且找出他们最大的弱点，当然这是每个人都会拥有的。我们要公正对待他们的每个优点或者缺点。人们在很多方面都具有过人之处，或者说至少可以被认为是优于他人的。而且，尽管人们自己已经知道本身的优点，却还是喜欢被人赞美。但相比而言，最能够让人们感觉到满意的，却是对他们自己所希望但又不曾，或者不自信拥有的优点的赞美。
A Good Heart to Lean on 善心可依
Anonymous
When I was growing up， I was embarrassed to be seen with my father. He was severely crippled and very short， and when we would walk together， his hand on my arm for balance， people would stare. I would inwardly squirm at the unwanted attention. If he ever noticed or was bothered， he never let on.
It was difficult to coordinate our steps- his halting， mine impatient- and because of that， we didn’t say much as we went along. But as we started out， he always said，“You set the pace. I will try to adjust to you.”
Our usual walk was to or from the subway， which was how he got to work. He went to work sick， and despite nasty weather. He almost never missed a day， and would make it to the office even if others could not. A matter of pride.
When snow or ice was on the ground， it was impossible for himto walk， even with help. At such times my sisters or I would pull him through the streets of Brooklyn， NY， on a child‘s sleigh to the subway entrance. Once there， he would cling to the handrail until he reached the lower steps that the warmer tunnel air kept ice-free. In Manhattan the subway station was the basement of his office building， and he would not have to go outside again until we met him in Brooklyn on his way home.
When I think of it now， I marvel at how much courage it must have taken for a grown man to subject himself to such indignity and stress. And at how he did it- without bitterness or complaint.
He never talked about himself as an object of pity， nor did he show any envy of the more fortunate or able. What he looked for in others was a“good heart”， and if he found one， the owner was good enough for him.
Now that I am older， I believe that is a proper standard by which to judge people， even though I still don’t know precisely what a“good heart”is. But I know the times I don‘t have one myself.
Unable to engage in many activities， my father still tried to participate in some way. When a local baseball team found itself without a manager， he kept it going. He was a knowledgeable baseball fan and often took me to Ebbets Field to see the Brooklyn Dodgers play. He liked to go to dances and parties， where he could have a good time just sitting and watching.
On one memorable occasion a fight broke out at a beach party， with everyone punching and shoving. He wasn’t content to sit and watch， but he couldn‘t stand unaided on the soft sand. In frustration he began to shout，“I’ll fight anyone who will sit down with me！”Nobody did. But the next day people kidded him by saying it was the first time any fighter was urged to take a dive even before the bout began.
I now know he participated in some things vicariously through me，his only son. When I played ball （poorly）， he“played”too. When I joined the Navy he“joined”too. And when I came home on leave， he saw to it that I visited his office. Introducing me， he was really saying，“This is my son， but it is also me， and I could have done this， too， if things had been different.”Those words were never said aloud.
