Kate woke on the morning of her seventeenth birthday with a pit in her stomach. She wished she could be excited; but she knew, with a sense of dread, that there'd be no presents waiting for her, no special birthday breakfast, no cake. There'd be no cards. She'd be lucky if anyone in her family even remembered.
She felt the warm Santa Barbara sunshine on her eyelids, and she opened her eyes and blinked. Her room was still filled with moving boxes, a chaotic mess, one she could not bring herself to organize. Perhaps it was, she realized, because she didn't want to be here. She didn't want to be with her family-anywhere. Why would she? They hated her.
Kate pulled her cover up over her head, blocking the light out, desperate not to have to get out of bed and face the day. The best thing, she decided, would be to get out of the house as quickly as possible and head to school. At least she had her friends. They knew all too well about her home life, and they would make a fuss over her.
Kate finally pulled herself out of bed and dressed in her favorite comfy jeans and black T-shirt. Then she slipped on her battered red Converses and dragged a comb through her dark brown hair, just enough to get the kinks out but not enough to style it in any particular way. Since it was a special occasion, she put on a slick of mascara and rimmed her eyes with kohl. She stood back and regarded her appearance in the mirror. Her mom would hate her outfit. The thought made her smile.
Out in the hall, the smell of pancakes, bacon, and maple syrup wafted through the air. Her mom loved pretending to be the All-American Mother, with her Soccer Mom hairstyle. She was anything but. A phony. It was all fake. All-American Moms were supposed to love their kids-not choose one daughter to adore while making the other feel small and insignificant.
Kate already knew the pancakes wouldn't be for her. They'd be for her dad and for her sister, Madison, and brother, Max, but not for her. Her mom's jibes echoed in her mind.
If only you took up a sport, you'd be able to have a hearty breakfast too. But since you spend all day reading indoors you'll have to watch your figure.
Kate braced herself before going into the kitchen.
The kitchen in the new house was tastefully decorated, filled with all the latest gadgets. It looked like someone had clipped it out of a magazine. It was everything her mom needed to keep her charade of the perfect family.
Her dad was at the table, his eyes still red from last night's drinking session. He was staring mournfully into his black coffee. His pancakes were untouched beside him. Kate knew that meant he was too hungover to eat them.
Madison, also at the table, was busy applying her makeup in her little handheld mirror. Her dark hair had been styled with gentle waves over her shoulders and it glistened in the sunlight. She was complementing her look with bright red lipstick, making her look more like a college student than the high school senior she really was. From the outside, it didn't look like there was only eighteen months between the girls. Madison was more like a woman, whereas Kate in many ways still felt like a scrawny kid.
Kate shuffled into the kitchen and grabbed her bag off the floor. Max noticed and smiled at her. He was fourteen and by far the nicest person in Kate's family. At least he tried to care.
"Want some?" he said, pointing to his stack of pancakes.
Kate smiled. She knew Max loved pancakes and had probably had to employ every ounce of willpower not to devour them. She was touched by the gesture.
"I'm good, thanks," she said.
Just then, her mom turned around from where she'd been pouring juice by the kitchen window.
"No pancakes for Kate," she said. "It looks like you've put on a couple of pounds recently."
She looked Kate up and down, not even bothering to hide the revulsion on her face. Kate returned her glare coldly.
Max looked down at his plate, guilty to be the one to have caused his mom to start criticizing Kate.
"Don't worry, Mother," Kate said emotionlessly. "I know the rules."
Usually, Kate was careful not to talk back to her mom. It only made things worse. But something felt different today. Maybe it was because she was seventeen now. She felt a little bit stronger, a little bit more powerful. At the back of her mind, she felt like she may be on the cusp of something exciting.
Kate opened the fridge and took out a plain yogurt. It was the only thing her mom let her have for breakfast at the moment.
She grabbed a spoon and began eating her yogurt, perched at the kitchen island, not wanting to join the rest of her family at the breakfast table.
Her mom walked over to the table with the jug of orange juice and poured a glass for everyone else.
Madison snapped shut her hand mirror and looked up at her sister.
"Want a lift with me and Max to school?" she said, her eyes roving from Kate's battered shoes to her ripped jeans and unflattering T-shirt.
Kate glanced at Max. He looked even more guilty than ever. Max had always biked to school with her but since they'd moved to the new house and the journey had become even longer, he'd started getting rides with Madison in the car. She shouldn't mind-it was an hour cycle to San Marcos Senior School from the new house, as opposed to barely fifteen minutes in the car-but she missed feeling that sense of solidarity with him. It was like by cycling together they were silently showing their disapproval of the pecking order in the house, of which Madison was clearly at the top. But now even that quiet protest had been severed. In her more paranoid moments, Kate wondered whether her mom had insisted on this house by Butterfly Beach just to split her and Max up.
"No rides," her mom warned, though her tone with Madison was softer. "Kate needs the exercise."
Kate looked at the four of them at the breakfast table and felt a pang of envy. Her family was completely dysfunctional but they were still all she had, and being separated from them was painful.
"I'll take my bike," Kate replied with an exhalation.
Madison shrugged. She wasn't overly cruel to Kate but she never went out of her way to stick up for her sister. Madison was the favorite daughter in the house and she was pretty comfortable at the top. Associating with Kate too much could harm her. She'd seen firsthand what it was like to fall from grace in their mother's eyes, and she clearly wouldn't do anything to risk it.
Across the room, Max caught Kate's eye and mouthed sorry.
She shook her head and mouthed it's okay.
It wasn't Max's fault that he was always caught in the middle of everything. He shouldn't feel like he was to blame for her mom's injustice.
Max pointed to Kate's bag and raised his eyebrows.
Kate frowned and peered inside her satchel. There was a powder-blue envelope inside. She gasped. It was clearly a card. She was overwhelmed with gratitude. He'd snuck a birthday card to her.
Kate's head darted up and she made eye contact with him, as he smiled back sheepishly.
Thank you, she mouthed.
He nodded and his smile widened.
"Don't you have practice today, darling?" their mom asked Madison, her eyes twinkling with pride as she looked at her beautiful, talented, eldest daughter.
The two began chatting on and on about cheerleader practice, cattily commenting on which of the girls were letting the squad down, or who had gained a few too many pounds recently. They were like two peas in a pod, her mom and Madison. Kate's mom had been a successful cheerleader when she was in high school and it was a huge disappointment to her when Kate had shunned the activity in favor of reading and writing.
Just then, their dad stood from the table. Everyone froze. He was a very tall man and loomed over them all, casting a dark shadow across the otherwise bright, sunny kitchen.
"I'm late for work," he mumbled.
Kate tensed. The only place it looked like her dad should be going was back to bed to sleep off his hangover. He was in an absolute state, with his shirt untucked and stubble on his chin. Maybe his drinking problem was one of the reasons her mom was so critical of Kate's appearance; maybe she was unable to control how presentable her father looked and so she took it out on her daughter.
The whole room was still and quiet as everyone held their breath. Their dad lumbered around, fishing his car keys out of the bowl on the island countertop, swiping his briefcase up off the floor. His movements were uncoordinated, and Kate worried about him driving to work in that state. She wondered what his colleagues thought of him. Did they know how much he drank in the evenings? Or was he as good at acting as her mom was? When he got to work, did he slip seamlessly into another man's persona, a better man, a family man, a man who demanded respect? He'd been promoted enough times for them to move to this beautiful house in an enviable neighborhood so he must be doing something right.
Once the front door slammed shut and the car engine started up, everyone relaxed a little. But not much. Sometimes it was only Dad's unpredictable temper that kept Mom in check. Without him there, she was the boss of everyone and everything, particularly Kate.
"So," she said, turning cold eyes up to her younger daughter. "I've been looking at our bills since we moved into the new house, and it's looking like college is off the table for you, Kate."
Kate froze. Her whole body turned to ice.
"What?"
"You heard me," her mom said. "This neighborhood is expensive and we can't afford to send both of you. Madison will have to be our priority. You can work through your senior year, then take the next year out to help pay for Madison's tuition."
Kate felt her yogurt churning in her stomach. She was so devastated by the news she felt like she would throw up any moment.
"You…can't do that," she stammered.
Max hunkered down in his seat. Madison looked uncomfortable too, though Kate knew she wouldn't stand up for her in any way.
"I'm your mother, and while you live under my roof I can do anything I want. Madison's got into a great college and I'm not having you jeopardize her opportunity to excel." Her mom's expression was fierce. Her arms were folded tightly across her chest. "A congratulations would do, too," she sneered. "I don't think I've heard a single peep out of you since Madison got the letter. You didn't even stick around for the cake."
Her mom had thrown a celebration party for Madison on Monday when the letter had arrived. She'd baked a cake-though Kate had been told she wasn't allowed a slice-and had even hung up a banner. Madison's celebration party had been exactly like the birthday party Kate wasn't going to get.
Kate's heart was hammering. A red mist started to descend in her mind.
Suddenly, her mouth was running away with her.
"What about me?" she cried. "How about a happy birthday? You haven't even acknowledged my seventeenth! Why does everything have to be about Madison? How about you caring about me for a change?"
Max's and Madison's eyes bulged with fear. Kate had never stood up for herself before and both were worried about what the fallout might look like.
By the expression on their mom's face it was clear she'd completely forgotten Kate's birthday was today. But she wasn't going to admit her mistake-she never did.
"I'm not prepared to discuss this with you, young lady. You're going to clean houses with me to help pay for Madison's tuition and that's the end of it." Her tone was emotionless and cold. "If I hear any more lip from you, I'll pull you out of school and you won't even get your high school diploma. Got it?" She gazed at Kate with a look of pure revulsion in her eyes. "Now, aren't you going to be late for school?" she added.
Kate stood there, fuming. Tears brimmed in her eyes. Other kids looked forward to gifts and parties on their birthdays. All she got was the news that her future had been taken away from her.
She slammed her yogurt carton down and stormed out of the house. It was May and the sun was burning hot, searing her pale skin. She grabbed her bike up from where she'd dumped it after school yesterday and began riding down the street, pumping her legs as hard as she could, trying to find a way to alleviate the anger pulsing through her.
She hated her mom. She hated her stupid new house. She hated her family. It was all a lie. The only thing that had kept her going all these years was the knowledge she'd one day escape from this place, from her awful, suffocating mother and her useless drunk of a father. That one day she'd be off to college. She wanted to go to the East Coast, to get as far away from them all as possible.
Now that dream was over.
